Test drives are not just for cars...

I always suggest after breaking up with someone or being broken up with, that you go on a test drive date. This date must include someone you will not “fall” for.  It’s a person you take out simply because you need to get back into the swing of things. Back into the world of dating, a vicious and cruel world where you’re only chance of survival is to laugh at every bad experience and hopefully learn from it.

When you go car shopping you have a general idea of your dream car in mind. However you don’t just hop right into the car you want. You take test drives, sometimes even after finding the car you want. You have to compare what it is you’re going to spending your money and time on.

So my very first date YEARS ago, after being in a relationship, I decided to go on a test drive.  He was awkward and funny but definitely not the car of my dreams. I agreed to a simple date, dinner. That way just in case it was horrible I could bail afterwards.

So, I asked him if he would mind if I drove. He agreed that would be fine and I asked where we should meet? He said Walgreens was close to his house so we met there. I pulled up into the parking lot to see him awkwardly standing against a post in the parking lot, old white undershirt on, strawberry blonde shaggy hair and a pair of blue work pants possibly Dickies.  I pulled up next to where he was standing and motioned for him to get in my car. He jumped in, smelling of outside and sweat. I wondered why he hadn’t waited in his car, and he said “I’m glad you offered to drive, I would have hated to ask my mom to use her car again.”

Sign number one!

So we get to the place where we’re going to eat, we sit down already an awkward pause and terrible conversation. We order food and drinks, I quickly eat my food as to try and hurry this process called “dating” along and the check comes. This is when he mentioned to me he hasn’t worked for the last two years because he couldn’t find a job in his field. I ask politely what field, as I grab the check to pay for it myself and he says “Well that’s the problem I haven’t really decided yet!”

Sign number two!

We go back to my car and I’m thinking I can just take him back to Walgreens and be done with the night and he asked if we could run to the mall. At this point I was still nice, to people that I went on dates with. It’s not that I disliked him I just didn’t “like” him or ever really want to see him again. But I couldn’t bring myself to just blow him off. I drove towards the nearest mall and we walked around awkwardly, I kept my arms crossed and a nice distance between us to make sure that there could be no way any signs were misread that I wanted him to make any moves. This of course is assuming he had any. He stopped in the middle of the mall and said “Really I just need to find a restroom.” I nodded and walked along towards the nearest men’s restroom that I knew of. He went inside and twenty minutes later came out.

Sign number three!

I practically run through the mall and get back to my car and he hops in like a little kid a theme park and says “How about we go get some more drinks and sit and talk.” I paused. Seriously? After I had ran this awkward piece of the male gender around in my car  paid for our dinner and drinks he wants me to take him for more drinks that I will once again obviously have to pay for since he hasn’t decided what he wants to be when he grows up. I replied with a smile “Why so I can pay again?” and he laughed and said “See that’s what I like about you, you get it. You don’t care about those whole dating rules men are supposed to follow. Where I pay and you get to just sit there and look pretty.”

Sign number four!

I decline the invitation for more drinks and he asks his he could go back to my place, since he lived with his parents it would be hard to have “alone” time…

Sign number five!

Again I declined. Took him back to Walgreens and dropped him off by the same pole where I had found him. I watched him walking towards his parent’s house while I drove off thinking, “Well Rachael, you certainly can’t get any worse from there.”

I was both right and wrong. Though he didn’t do anything necessarily wrong or horrible I have learned to ask many questions before agreeing to the date. And though many of my dating experiences have been worse at least they were upgraded to having cars and jobs.  I don’t want to come off as a gold digger that’s not the case. Drive what you can afford and at least work. I don’t care if you work at McDonalds or bag groceries, just make an attempt.

Simple advice from the Single to the Single, when you’re broken hearted don’t go looking for what you “want” right away. Instead go looking for what you don’t want to make the transition from relationship to singlehood. No one wants to be the rebound and usually the rebound relationship doesn’t work out anyways, so go on a few test drives for comparison. It’s all about living, learning and experiencing. For better or worse, this is your life, at least get good stories out of it!

“Let’s be friends for a while until I see if I like you, then let’s be sweethearts for a while until I see if he is coming back for me”. The sentiments of a woman scorned but still waiting for their miracle of love to reappear, keep on waiting but be realistic.