Beware of these men!

In reference to an article my friend shared with me about men you shouldn't date, we decided that my own list of men not to date would be way more interesting than the typical lists. We all know not to date men who don't want to commit, ex's and so on.  But what about the one's I've dated... So here's:

The Single Girl's Do Not Date List for 2012

*Teachers: After all that time they spend with girls under age who don't have a clue, their brains are distorted that you may not either. Examples: The Talker, The Jack Off date

*The Schedule Man: Chances are if he has an exact time schedule Wednesday from 6-8 or Friday from noon till 3. Or certain times he can "take phone calls from you" or stops responding to your text by a certain time each day, he has a woman. And while she's working and he's fitting you in when she won't notice his absence.  Example: The Good Guy

*The man who only says "You're hot" as a compliment. This is one that some women like; however, if that's the only reason you want to talk to me chances are you don't really want to talk to me at all. Thank you for the compliment now move along! I do appreciate the compliment, I won't deny that. It's just looks fade and there has to be substance ladies, give yourselves more credit than that. Example: Mr. P.

*The jobless. Not knowing what you want to be when you grow up is fine with me, there are days I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. But have a freaking job! I want to know that you do support yourself and don't rely on others to do it for you. I know I don't make enough to take care of you and me both. I'm not a gold digger, flip burgers for all I care, just do something! Examples: Metal Plate Mac, and countless others.

*The Tragedy Man. Never date a man who you meet through some type of disaster in your life. One because you're obviously at a very low point in your life and two he probably has some sort of issue since he wants to date someone not completely stable. Or he has a prince charming complex and wants to save you. Either way The Tragedy Man rolls into your life at the wrong time and it ends up wrong on many levels. Example: Nips.

*The Cave Man.  "Ug own you." It's fine to have someone want to be with you. It's also fine to have a slight bit of jealousy about you. It is not fine to dictate who I can and cannot be friends with. It is not fine to show up to my house and obsess over the idea that someone may have been there other than me. It is not fine to think that you can call up and check on me not only through my number but my friends and family as well. Ug owns no one! Single girl does what she wants, especially after only ONE DATE! Example: Mr. Needy and the Milk Man

*Mr. Needs Fixin'.  As woman we all think we can change men. That we will be the ones who will save them from all their horrible wrongs and make them right. That though he's a ladies' man doesn't mean he can't be exclusive, though he has no interest in being exclusive doesn't mean I can't change his mind. Though he has no ambition or drive in life doesn't mean I can't help him find his passion. Though he cheats on me doesn't mean he always will... the list goes on and on. If you have to change him as soon as you meet him; remove him from your dating list. You can't. People change for themselves not other people. And though we all like to think we're special in reality, in this case, you're just another woman who will lose the game.

*The Smirker.  The cool guy who isn't smiling in his pictures is hiding something. Maybe he's a player. Maybe he's hoarding a dark secret. Maybe that's his sexy face. But chances are he's hiding his horrible teeth! If all the pictures have no sign of pearly whites then chances are they aren't so pearly or so white! Avoid him and his grill!

*The Just Friends Guy. Seriously ladies he isn't joking. He may want friend with benefits but he doesn't want to be exclusive. He was honest with you and you took it as an invite to make your wedding plans. He said what he meant so don't fall for his shit!

*The Metro Guy. If he dresses better than you, spends more time getting ready than you and his hair is better than yours, walk away. We're supposed to be the fancy ones. Guys are there and yes we want them to appealing and pleasing to the eye (and nose) however, that doesn't mean you should end up waiting on him to get ready. Because it won't change, you'll spend the rest of your life waiting on him and his hair obsession.

*The criminal. Yes, we all find the "bad boy" appealing but having a criminal record is far more extreme than a rebel without a cause. Murders, thieves and sociopaths need not apply. Ladies, I think it's time we started doing back ground checks on our dates. Nothing says "I should have listened to Single Girl" like being held hostage by your boyfriend in a police shoot out!

*The Ginger. No offense but we all know they're crazy. And there's only enough room in my relationships for my own craziness.

*Mr. Accomplishment. He brags and boasts about all his achievements and you start to wonder where in his short time on this Earth did he actually have time to save the planet, maintain a career, date, help the needy, volunteer for the Humane society and fight the war on terror. If it sounds too good to be true, and the stories are full of him being the hero, chances are they're all lies. Example: Last Man I loved.

*Mr. Comfort. Yeah he's ok but he definitely doesn't spark fireworks. He's alright to hang out with but isn't rocking your socks. You can't force yourself to like Mr. Comfort until something better comes along and you can't stay with Mr. Comfort just because he's nice. Move along and save everyone the trouble of a messy break up where he cries because he thought you two had something special and he was just passing time until something better came along. (You women can be so cruel ;)   )

*Mr. Dad/Mr. Mom. I have no reason to hate single parents. I applaud them for their hard work and trying to make their children's lives better; however, I do have a problem becoming a part of the family after two dates and becoming the "mom" when you're too tired and the "babysitter" when you can't make it home in time.  Dating qualifications did not list mother figure or babysitter as part of my responsibilities. Kudos to single parents but I'm not going to be the one raising your children after just a couple dates.

*Mr. Self Centered. What about my needs? Don't you ever think how this will affect me? Don't you care about me? I need this. I need that. You should make sure that I am happy. You should get me a beer. You should run to the store. You should take care of me, because as you know the world does revolve around me. I know this guy too well... He feeds off of your kindness. Mr. Self Centered will never see you as anything more than an ego boost!

*Mr. Un-hygienic. Let's face it; scent is the closest link to memory. Good smells, good memories. What about the bad smells? You don't want to wish for death when he walks into the room. Showering, deodorant and mouth wash are required and no you shouldn't have to remind him!

*Mr. Emotional Wreck. Let's face it we're emotional enough on our own, we don't need unnecessary drama and tears. If he has more issues in life, more tears through the week and has stock in tissues. You're going to end up being the man of the relationship. You'll end up having to take care of him and help him be the man he's supposed to be. Women claim we want sensitive guys that just means we want you to be sympathetic when we're emotional that doesn't mean when the Hallmark channel is having a love story marathon we want you dropping all your plans and sobbing the entire day with ice cream. That's our job not yours!

*Mr. Fair Weather. The guy who pops in and out of your life unexpectedly, he's the stray cat that roams from house to house and you may not see him for weeks then suddenly he's on your doorstep and you go ahead and feed him and take care of him until he disappears again. If he's popping in and out of your life chances are you've become his fall back plan. You are the back burner and he will always use you when no one else is available.  Do not allow yourself to be anyone's Plan B!

*Josh. I've rarely known anyone to have a positive relationship with a guy named Josh. When polled of names not to date most girls voted the "Josh's" of the world. I've never dated a Josh but half the female population can't be wrong...

So, there you have it Single Girl's top 20 undateable guys in 2012! Or any year for that matter, you have now been warned.

She can have you, I give my used toys to the less fortunate.

 Singing: "They say that breaking up is hard to do; now I know, know that it's true..."

We always talk about the relationships; we always dwell on the end. So, in theory shouldn't the end be civil? Shouldn't that be the part that separates the men from the boys (or women from the girls)?  After all don't we want to be remembered as the decent one and not the cruel or psychotic one?

There are rules of engagement, not the ring on your finger type but the rules of war. Breaking up is like a war. There are things that you definitely should not do and if you do those things you are likely to be labeled a jerk for the rest of your life and that will define you and who you are for every story ever told about you by your ex and all the people they know. Not a single good deed will be remembered because you broke the rules of engagement! You went against the rules of how one properly breaks up with another.

I'm sure that you're wondering what these rules are and who came up with them. They are well known facts most women know, very few men know them and if followed break ups will go smoothly. Money back guarantee, though you do not pay me, I promise each break up will get easier if you do or avoid the following!

1. "Lets just be friends" will not work after you've passed the friendship stage. You can't use that once you've crossed over. That only makes people feel angry and used and who wants to be friends with someone who has now used them to get what they want and now have also lied to them somewhere in that relationship in order to obtain them only to "just be friends..."in the end.

                *Instead say, "You are amazing to me. You're everything I could ever ask for but I don't feel like I deserve you. I need to work on myself and then try to be in a healthy relationship because you deserve nothing less." 

What is the difference? You pushed them away making it your fault and also complimented them. Once you take blame for your own flaws they realize they might just be better off without you. If you still need a little extra, you may try the "If I can't love myself how can I truly expect you to love me?" which again enforces the fact that you have the issue not them. Which when you're breaking up with someone; the truth is you do have an issue, so it's not a lie. No reason to be mean about it and make a fight. Be rational and professional as if you were leaving a company and wanted a good reference. People will talk and you want them to say "We parted on good terms" because then you never have to worry about those awkward Wal-Mart run ins!

2. Just ignore them, they will go away! WRONG! People need closure. They want an explanation even if it isn't the best one. Be nicely honest.

There's nothing worse than not knowing and anything in our minds is going to end up way worse than the real reason you're ignoring someone. So, grow a vagina those things can take a pounding and say something!  Don't tuck your tail between your legs and cower away and hope that the person forgets you were in a relationship it doesn't work and no matter how much you try to convince yourself that it's nicer to say nothing than something, you're wrong! Suck it up, put on your big kid pants and have an adult conversation!

3. Being impersonal doesn't make it hurt less. Texting, email, facebook and any other form or virtual communication should be outlawed in the time of a break up. If you can't face someone to tell them you don't want to be with them anymore then you're obviously ashamed or hiding something. Again refer back to putting on your big kid pants and having an adult conversation.

4. We've grown apart also known as you're not interested anymore and you've probably found someone else. If that's the case say it, own up to it. Do not label your lack of interest as some life altering, maturing, coming of age, growing apart with time because it's all a lie and we know it. You just don't like the person anymore! It's reality this happens and believe it or not the person you're not interested in anymore will get over you!

5. Honesty is the best policy. I know I speak for others when I say if you'd just tell me the truth, one I'd probably realize you weren't worth my time and two I'd respect you for being honest and telling me. No cheating or lying or hiding things and avoiding the underlying real problem. Just be honest. It will suck, because breaking up does but in the end we will all be happier that you were honest. If I can't say anything else good about him... at least he was honest!

This all boils down to the golden rule; treat others and you wish to be treated. If you don't like me, say so because I won't spare you the gory details if I don't like you. It's fair, I owe you that much, if I spend quality time with you I was there for a reason so I will be mature about it and I will talk to you and we will be civil towards each other. It's not as hard as it sounds. Grow up heartbreakers and face the broken, walk away with some dignity!

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Last words... Heartfelt and honest. I may be sick.

A dear friend of mine told me that if I felt compelled to be heartfelt I should go with it. Though it typically isn't my forte', as you know I much prefer humor in my life verses the reality of the Single Girl world. However, you will find this blog interesting, I'm about to share my thoughts on ex's and people I've loved with you. What I would like to say to them, if given one more chance.

To the last man I loved;

I find it hard to believe we had gone from that giddy knot in your stomach happy all the time feeling, lovers to strangers, without me knowing. I had no say. I have no reason. To this day you are a mystery to me. I couldn't have imagined that I was happy. And I couldn't have imagined how easily you would completely write me off in your life. Best regards? Had we not cuddled and held hands? We didn't kiss and talk and text constantly. And no this was not forced, it was a two way street. We were in it together. I met your friends, I volunteered with you and to help you. And you left with no explanation at all. You left me with unanswered questions and you left me filled with lies, that it is only months later that I find out to be true. I adored you in every way possible. I was in awe of you.

And though this will never reach you, I still find it hard not to care about you. I wish you well. I wish you happiness and love and all the things I truly believe you deserve, regardless of how you treated me in the end.

If our paths ever cross again, I will smile because I know you and I saw you even if it was only once more.

Single Girl

To the first man I loved;

You, though by no means perfect, will be the man I compare all others to. Years ago I would have gone to the edge of the Earth for one more chance with you. ANd though that opportunity did arise, you were not in the right state to be in a relationship, I wanted to know that you wanted to be with me and not that you needed someone to fill the void and the lonely hours. You are the man I always wonder "What if..." what if I had two children. What if we had the house and the yard and the family. What if we could have been that happily ever after?

You've claimed you were a stupid boy when you broke my heart and that's true. Innocent love can easily be blind the bitter reality of how we knew absolutely nothing about what love and a real relationship was and yet I find myself longing for that innocence we shared. That holding hands and kissing at the movies was "risky". That even then I was a good girl and you slightly hated me for it.

When I was ready you were not. When you were ready I was not. We live such a vicious cycle that I wonder if it will ever pass or if one day... just maybe we will meet in the middle both completely ready for the rest of our lives. Call me hopeless romantic but wouldn't that be the end of the begining of a beautiful love story. 

Reality hits hard as I know deep down our innocent love is far gone. We've been dulled by life and love and the lack of healthy relationships and yet my history with you, not perfect, but it was real.

To the lovers, the loved and the loveless, may we all find whatever it is we are looking for.... I'll keep looking for my "you".

Single girl

To the man I loved in comfort,

I realize now that we were not happy. But we were completely comfortable. We fought and we lived completely different life styles and yet comfort held us together for all those years. We played the part well. Smiled at the right moments and I claimed happiness. But it wasn't enough for you. Sadly I think I could have lived the majority of my life being just content. Not ever really knowing what happiness was. In my mind, jaded of course, I considered that to be life. We weren't happy but we weren't miserable. I have my regrets with you as I do others.

I wish that we would have been able to come to a better resolution. I wish that I could have agreed and knew then what I know now and how much better we both are apart. We spent so many wasted years trying to maintain that terrible routine that we forgot to have a relationship. So, after all these years the only thing I have left to say to you is "Thank you." Thank you for having the courage to do what I could not. I could have never left. I was scared of the unknown. I was scared of life without you. What would I do if I didn't have you to fill my time and to take care of?

I wouldn't have managed to accomplish so many wonderful things that I was able to do and continue to do each day. You changed my life and at the time I was completely crushed and yet now I look back and I realize by letting me go, you've let me live. No longer bound to routines and caring for a grown boy.  I have become so strong. I wish you knew the girl I am now compared the girl I used to be.

Thank you for walking away and not looking back. Your courage set me free.

Single Girl

To the Only Man (who never turned on me),

In some strange way I find it hard to even consider what I would have done so many times without you. I have called you in the middle of the night, I have reached out to you time after time and no matter how I treated you and pushed you away, you came back. You believed in me and I swear you even loved me, what could have been if I hadn't pushed you away so many times.

Your bull shit as well as your brutal honesty with me was refreshing and yet at times hard to hear. I think about you often, though I'll never break down and say that I'm sorry or crawl back to you, this ship has sailed. I've raised the white flag and surrendered. We aren't meant to be because I'm not good enough for you. Each passing scar, you tried to mend though you were not the one who caused the pain. You tried to make me see the brighter side and you made me want to believe that "happily ever after" isn't just a fairy tale. But I have been poisoned by the world, by man, by cruel intention. And you are so much better off without me.

I cut all ties from you. I refuse to bring you down to my level. And I refuse to hurt you anymore. Though I have never shown it hurting you has always been hard for me. Knowing your past (as well as you knew mine) I couldn't bare being another woman to let you down.

You once told me I reminded you of your Mother. And though you loved her I always thought how horrible she was to have treated you the way she did her entire life. I guess we are drawn to what we know to an extent. I'm sorry for your life, but most of all for the parts that had me in them. Though I do not doubt I taught you lessons in life, they aren't lessons anyone ever wants to learn. Broken hearts and battle scars.

You were my strength and I was your weakness. "I wish you health and wealth and white house on a hill and I hope you raise a family, a little boy and a little girl a little more joy in this little ol' world well that would be enough for me. If you think that I don't love you you're just wrong but that don't matter now anyways. "

With a breaking heart, I do apologize.

Single girl

To my Hero, my friend and my side kick,

I think of you often. Not a day goes by that you're not on my mind. That something doesn't occur that makes me think of you. Though we were never "in love" and we were never even a couple, I love you more than you will ever know. You always looked out for me and knew I was so completely messed up that I needed that. No matter how hard life got for you, you always asked how I was first. Had I have known the last time I would have seen you, the last time I would have messaged with you, I would have told you how important you are to me.

How sometimes you were the only one in the world that I could talk too and you were often thousands of miles away. That messages from you and conversations about "nothing" made my day because I knew you were truly my friend, regardless of how crazy I was/am. You had my back.  I would have let you know that I would have done the same for you (and I feel I did in a much smaller way). I wouldn't have missed the opportunity to tell you how awesome you are, what an amazing person you are and how lucky that made me to call you my friend.

I often wonder about the things in my life you've missed. How you would have reacted to the news. I sometimes wonder if you were still with us if  it would have happened at all. You are timeless. You are irreplaceable and you are one of my dearest friends. I will see you again one day and that day, I won't waste a moment to tell you how awesome you were, when you were alive.

I could write about you for hours and how much you meant to me and it would never be enough. I miss you terribly each and every day!

With so much love, respect and admiration, rest in peace my dear friend, until we meet again!

Single girl

Those who can't do.... Teach! (Yeah I dated my teacher...)

"Talk to me. Tell me. Tell me you're my good girl."

A strange way to begin but we have to start somewhere. It's been said that those who can't do, teach. How exactly that fits into my situation will determine your interpretation. It's true. I dated my teacher. Don't worry he isn't a pedophile. When he was teaching me I was 15 or 16 years old. It wasn't until many years later about 11 or more that I actually dated him. (No that is not his picture, you know I keep everyone safe!)

I remember sitting in his class. Thinking how intelligent and clever he was. He was young black hair tall with blue eyes. At my age I hung on his every word. Everything he said seemed completely important and I thought he would be the man who would and could change the world, definitely, for the better. He was my school age crush. Sure I had boys my age that I had crushes on. But I was in awe of him. I remember in great detail nearly everything he said, taught and the way he would pace back and forth when he would be passionate about whatever it was he was lecturing on.

He seemed perfect. I even think he married his high school sweet heart and together they had children, the house, the dog and the perfect life or so one would think. It wasn't until he came back into my life that I began to actually know who he was.

Now divorced, sexually repressed by a wife who put the Bible in place of her bedroom activity, he was jaded. Not the brilliant man I remembered. His hair now that salt and pepper coloring but still intelligent. Still bright blue eyes but yet he no longer seemed to be able to change the world. It was I who challenged him to at least start changing his students. To at least make a difference in their lives that way he had mine so long ago.  Whatever life had done to him, had took the life out of him somehow.

I enjoyed his intelligence. I was happy having intelligent conversation and could not only debate but share ideas on education and my thoughts for now how I would change the world. Which were eagerly dismissed, I didn't understand teaching, I didn't understand teaching to test. That didn't bother me.  It challenged me.  And though he thought my ideas were radical I still enjoyed the witty banter that occurred. It's sometimes hard to match wits with someone.

Though I welcomed his knowledge and the idea of a brilliant mind being able to converse with me, he looked at me as a young girl who would be able to help with the outlet of his years of sexual oppression.  Though he would deny that wasn't the case, the conversations became less intelligent and more sexual.  Was I interested in him? Absolutely, however I am a good girl and going that route and trying to pressure me into anything was not going to work. I was not the young impressionable high school girl day dreaming any longer.  

Call me crazy. But I am not a "talker". I do not talk about my feelings openly, my problems and I especially do not talk dirty. It's just not my thing. On one particular event I remember him asking me "Did you ever think you would be here kissing me?"  Was this a god like complex or a serious question. No I honestly didn't consider that it would happen but to bring it up now seems a bit inappropriate. If I would have asked him the same question, it would have been perverse seeing how I was a child when he knew me.

I think my rules when fooling around or making out whatever you want to call it, mouths should be used for other things and not for talking. So shut up and get to it. Not in this case. If the rules applied there would be no blog. And so let the make out conversation begin...

*Talk to me.

(long pause... )

me: What do I say?

*Talk dirty to me?

( In thought: Rain makes mud puddles.) Try to avoid it and kiss again. Nope

*Talk to me. Tell me you're a good girl.

me: Um I'm a good girl.

*Tell me you're my good girl.

(In thought: Seriously... so uncomfortable.)

*It gets easier the more you do it. Just talk to me.

Try to avoid it again. Nope

*Tell me. Say it.

(Seriously uncomfortable)

me: I'm just not good at talking it's not my thing.

*Come on. Tell me. Say you're my good girl.

All this talking and we weren't even doing anything but kissing. So every time he stopped to talk I lay there in the dark completely numb. I had no interest. This whole talking wasn't doing anything for me at all. I didn't like it and I felt stupid. And then he said...

*Tell me you're a good girl who will take care of her man. Tell me you're my good girl and you're going to take care of me the way a good girl should.

Oh my god! Am I a child? I feel like I should be in piggy tails with catholic school girl uniform on in some bad porn. I am not YOUR anything. I do not get off on conversation during kissing. I do not want to talk. Either kiss me or shut up and go to sleep something. But stop talking to me.

*Tell me you want to fuck me.

As if my silence was not point enough that I didn't feel like talking. That I didn't find it sexy. That I did not want to do it. That I did not get turned on by listening to him talk. Did it stop of course not! Nothing goes my way. And he continued on and on...

Years ago I hung on his every word. Now all I wanted him to do was stop talking.

 But as he would say he liked me for my mind. He liked me because I was intelligent. He liked me because I was "cute".  When it comes down to it, he liked me because I was everything his wife wasn't and he thought that I would be a ticket to his ultimate fantasies played out over and over.  I was his ticket out of middle aged man and back to his youth that was deprived by his wife and family. I would be his second chance to do all the things he couldn't with his wife. All the things she refused to do. I was his ticket to paradise.

Too bad, he wasn't mine.  I will be anything for the right person. But I will not be used and mislead by the wrong ones with fancy words and false promises.

What beautiful eyes you have and what um... teeth ewwwww!

While having a conversation with a friend of mine he brought up a very valid point. Maybe it isn't the type of men I date, maybe it's the type of men I set out and attract. At first I found this absurd. After all how could I be sending off signals to date such horrible men?  Men who jack off on my shirt, men who only need their nipples do get off and of course the men who graciously share pictures of their penis' with me? No one wants those men and yet they seem to find me. Or... do I find them?

I, Single girl, happen to be a very good girl. I have morals and values and even standards that some people can't even define. I have a very clear image of what I want and yet I settle for so much less.

 It wasn't until a few months later that I was having a conversation with my therapist that I realized I do set myself up for a damaging plot. However, in my defense they make amazing stories to share and the readers demand a good story!  I will gladly set myself up for failure for your entertainment of course, but how healthy can that be for me? Not that I'm selfish but come on. Is that sane?

Why on earth would anyone set themselves up for failure after failure? Why would I set my radar for expectations that are so low that most rocks and brick walls can live up to them? It all boils down to my own self worth. How I view myself. And believe it or not ladies and gentlemen and the creepy ones who stalk me, I have a very low opinion of myself.

I talk a big game, it's true. For it's much easier to pretend to be completely amazed by yourself and your own awesomeness, than to show everyone how completely vile you feel you are. If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anyone else? Or have anyone love you for who you are?

It's completely possible that I have dated a few normal guys. Normal being a standard term used for people not necessarily blog worthy due to their lack of originality. And believe it or not some of them have complained they have not been blogged about. However, being in my blog doesn't make you honorable. In my blogs you should take the walk of shame! Sure there are one's that may have had some weird quirks about them and one day I'm sure I will blog about them as well. But for now it's too soon.

For now, let me leave you with a quickie dating story. That's what we've all come here for anyways a good story. So here goes:

I had found Mr. Perfect. Handsome, tall, charming, sweet, thoughtful, sarcastic and clever enough not to make him a wimp, a beautiful man who bordered rugged man verses model. His pictures had a serious smirk to them, bedroom blue eyes that stared right into you! He had all the things that I thought I wanted in a person. He worked which was a big step up for me. He had two cars, a house, a garage, pets and no children.

He was a few years older than me, well established in his career and loved his mother dearly. They say a man who loves his mother and treats her well with do the same for you.  I find this border line, luckily he was anything but a momma's boy. After weeks of talking to him and his wonderful manly phone voice we set a date for dinner and a movie. Typical slightly, however, I will take typical when Mr. Perfect comes along.

He pulled up in my drive way (yes I actually let him pick me up) and he stepped out of his car and I opened the door to see this handsome man walking towards me and I swear for a moment I forgot to breathe and then it happened.... all was ruined.

He smiled.

My heart sank and I became sick. He barely had teeth! What teeth he did have were nearly filled or grinded down to numbs. They were brown and tainted by lack of hygiene or gum disease possible both. I couldn't look at him, because all I could see, his entire face became his teeth. His mouth moved awkwardly as he spoke and his teeth so small they barely touched top to bottom, making his jaw lay crooked.  

As he spoke, when he laughed, while he ate, I couldn't focus on anything but how poor his teeth were kept. How vile and disgusting they were, what little he had left of them. This is why he never smiled. This was the reason for his serious smirk pictures! Why hadn't I have thought to ask about his teeth?

Is that something you should have to ask someone? Show me your teeth? Let me see your dental records? When was the last time you went to the dentist? How often do you brush and floss? NO! These are things that people should do so why was I having a date with the only person who obviously eats brown sugar coated glass for breakfast lunch and dinner?

Teeth and I can never be. There isn't enough dental work in the world to make me forget the vile smile that faced me that day. Shuddering at the thought....

that is all.

Tame your one eyed snake!

Unless I ask the answer is “No”

Being a single girl, who does happen to like men, I find it fascinating how willing most men are to send pictures of their penis via cell phone. I honestly do not understand this. I wouldn’t consider myself a visual person in that sense. A picture of a stand up one eyed willy does little for my arousal needs. I figure it must be an ego boost for them.  And when I do not reply I always get the ‘so did you get it, what did you think?’ question.

To answer that????

I think it’s a penis. I’m not quite sure because my conversation was not leading to the direction of asking for a picture of your dick. Therefore, I wonder how and why this popped into my inbox on my phone. Just because you have a camera on your phone and a penis does not mean you should use the two together.  If we’re friends and I’m talking to you it’s not because of your penis. As a matter of fact, if you end up sending me a picture like that chances are you will not be talking to me anymore!

Recently, I was chatting with a guy via text who was all cocky and arrogant and I could see his charm was definitely not sincere and his ego was overwhelming. So I asked him “What’s your deal? You’re obviously cute and full of it so what’s behind that?”
He replies “Well… I’ve been hurt.”
My thought and immediate response was “Haven’t we all? So tell me what you’re hiding behind what’s your story?”
“You really want to know? Are you sure you can handle it?” he asks.
“Yes I really want to know what your issue is.” (this talk comes from my own therapy sessions I’m sure. I realize we use masks of humor and egotistical remarks to make sure that our own insecurities are hidden. Feeling very proud of having asked an in depth question and thinking that I would actually get a thoughtful answer I waited on his reply. About five minutes after my question he replied.

I opened the text and there stood his (what I referred too as) his number two pencil sized penis with the extra eraser on its tip. I was not the slightest bit impressed (I’m normally not) and I replied:
“That was not an invitation requesting a picture of your dick!”
He lol-ed and said “you asked what was hiding… there it is unhidden.”

Let’s forget the fact that I didn’t ask. One that’s not even clever and two I’m not impressed. If you’re going to brag at least have something to brag about. If I don’t ask I don’t want to see it. I have no desire to see most men’s penis’. I’d like to see as few of them as possible because they’re not really all that cute.

And guys who are reading this, just know that if you do send pictures of your penis to girls chances are they show their friends even if they say they don’t. And usually we laugh. So be careful with your camera and your “tickle pickle” (the thought is quite disturbing).