We always talk about the relationships; we always dwell on the end. So, in theory shouldn't the end be civil? Shouldn't that be the part that separates the men from the boys (or women from the girls)? After all don't we want to be remembered as the decent one and not the cruel or psychotic one?
There are rules of engagement, not the ring on your finger type but the rules of war. Breaking up is like a war. There are things that you definitely should not do and if you do those things you are likely to be labeled a jerk for the rest of your life and that will define you and who you are for every story ever told about you by your ex and all the people they know. Not a single good deed will be remembered because you broke the rules of engagement! You went against the rules of how one properly breaks up with another.
I'm sure that you're wondering what these rules are and who came up with them. They are well known facts most women know, very few men know them and if followed break ups will go smoothly. Money back guarantee, though you do not pay me, I promise each break up will get easier if you do or avoid the following!
1. "Lets just be friends" will not work after you've passed the friendship stage. You can't use that once you've crossed over. That only makes people feel angry and used and who wants to be friends with someone who has now used them to get what they want and now have also lied to them somewhere in that relationship in order to obtain them only to "just be friends..."in the end.
*Instead say, "You are amazing to me. You're everything I could ever ask for but I don't feel like I deserve you. I need to work on myself and then try to be in a healthy relationship because you deserve nothing less."
What is the difference? You pushed them away making it your fault and also complimented them. Once you take blame for your own flaws they realize they might just be better off without you. If you still need a little extra, you may try the "If I can't love myself how can I truly expect you to love me?" which again enforces the fact that you have the issue not them. Which when you're breaking up with someone; the truth is you do have an issue, so it's not a lie. No reason to be mean about it and make a fight. Be rational and professional as if you were leaving a company and wanted a good reference. People will talk and you want them to say "We parted on good terms" because then you never have to worry about those awkward Wal-Mart run ins!
2. Just ignore them, they will go away! WRONG! People need closure. They want an explanation even if it isn't the best one. Be nicely honest.
There's nothing worse than not knowing and anything in our minds is going to end up way worse than the real reason you're ignoring someone. So, grow a vagina those things can take a pounding and say something! Don't tuck your tail between your legs and cower away and hope that the person forgets you were in a relationship it doesn't work and no matter how much you try to convince yourself that it's nicer to say nothing than something, you're wrong! Suck it up, put on your big kid pants and have an adult conversation!
3. Being impersonal doesn't make it hurt less. Texting, email, facebook and any other form or virtual communication should be outlawed in the time of a break up. If you can't face someone to tell them you don't want to be with them anymore then you're obviously ashamed or hiding something. Again refer back to putting on your big kid pants and having an adult conversation. 4. We've grown apart also known as you're not interested anymore and you've probably found someone else. If that's the case say it, own up to it. Do not label your lack of interest as some life altering, maturing, coming of age, growing apart with time because it's all a lie and we know it. You just don't like the person anymore! It's reality this happens and believe it or not the person you're not interested in anymore will get over you!
5. Honesty is the best policy. I know I speak for others when I say if you'd just tell me the truth, one I'd probably realize you weren't worth my time and two I'd respect you for being honest and telling me. No cheating or lying or hiding things and avoiding the underlying real problem. Just be honest. It will suck, because breaking up does but in the end we will all be happier that you were honest. If I can't say anything else good about him... at least he was honest!
This all boils down to the golden rule; treat others and you wish to be treated. If you don't like me, say so because I won't spare you the gory details if I don't like you. It's fair, I owe you that much, if I spend quality time with you I was there for a reason so I will be mature about it and I will talk to you and we will be civil towards each other. It's not as hard as it sounds. Grow up heartbreakers and face the broken, walk away with some dignity!
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