It’s like Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory “nobody ever goes in and nobody ever comes out”.

“Oops!” is not only an excuse but it’s also a lie! Do not pass go, do not collect $200 and do not try this at home, (especially with me).

Every man knows how to find the hole. So, when they “oops” when they miss or go a little too far back and try to continue, they know what they’re doing! Do not be fooled by it! One slip and there’s no turning back! You’re in the out and once there, you’ve already gone to the dark side so he will obviously think this is a “go” from now on!

I sit and think about all the “slips” and “oops” experiences I’ve had and they’re always the same. Everything’s going great, I’m into it. My mind and body are completely involved in the moment and suddenly without warning it happens…

The slip

The oops

The dreaded touch of tip of the penis to butt hole and immediately I throw myself across the bed. My entire body goes into defense mode. My legs shut tightly together. My arms fight to get away. My legs kick me away. And I break free in a panic that I have just be violated. My entire world, my entire sexual enjoyment has lost all hope because now all I can think about, all that is on my mind is “what if… what if it would have actually made it that time!”

Apologies, apologies, apologies, your words fall on threatened ears, I have now seen your dark ways, once fooled by your trickery and I will not allow it to happen again.

One of my ex’s used to threaten me with it, sure he said he was joking but in the back of mind I always thought it could happen. I was always leery anytime he got near the area. And he could tell, a smirk on his face, watching me as I prepare to go into fight or flight mode. He knew exactly what he was doing. It was hilarious to him; however, not so hilarious when threatened in return. I do have toys…

Another ex used to jump back away from me when the “slip” occurred because he automatically knew I would start fighting. Arms, fists, legs, and feet they all would go flying wildly so he learned very quickly to move himself away before he fell into harm’s way.

So, now within moments of knowing me, meeting me or talking to me I make it clear to any potential dates that is on my “NEVER” list. Not on the never have but never will list. That is just something that isn’t going to happen. That is blocked off, I don’t want anything going near it, in it, or around it. I don’t want the “shocker” forget doing “two in the pink one in the stink” just forget that it’s even there!  That to me is an exit only.

I have heard of a few girls/women I know who have tried it and said it’s nothing special. I’ve heard people on TV claim that they enjoy it. And that’s wonderful. To each; their own, however, I’ll keep that sealed, on lock down like Fort Knox. It’s like Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory “nobody ever goes in and nobody ever comes out”. 

And for all of those who are thinking “How will you know if you’ve never tried it?” I haven’t tried sporking my eye balls out, I haven’t tried being ran over by a truck and I haven’t tried swimming with sharks on my monthly lady time but I know I would not enjoy those things. So you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be fine never experiencing it!  So, men look elsewhere if that’s what you’re into, ladies kudos for trying it and bravo if you like it, there are many men who will be knocking down your back door to be with you (no pun intended). It’s just not for me.