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Monday, August 15, 2011

What I've learned from my Lesbian

          I thought I was pretty much an expert on dating (since I have been on SO many dates), the dos and don’ts and the rules. However, when it comes to helping my lesbian friend with her potential dates, I am at a loss for how women work. And I hate to point out the obvious but I am a woman. So why is it I am completely wrong, when it comes to girl on girl dating? Shouldn’t that be a million times easier to figure out than a man and a woman?  This is what I’ve learned from lesbians.

Anything I think is right about dating seems to be wrong and anything I would never do seems to be the logical thing to do when these girls contact my friend. So, I wonder am I a strange girl or is my friend just awesome at finding girls with strange habits.

You know the old rule you don’t call or text until the person of interest calls or texts you? Not with girls… apparently the more often you call and text the better it is. Where as a guy would completely freak out if I called him fourteen times a day and text him every minute I was alive, my friend’s girls think this is ok. Who am I to argue? Because it’s obviously working!  And honestly when  I take a step back and think of how often I used to get called and text by my guy I realize I miss it… so maybe they’re on to something!

Dating doesn’t exist. Once you start talking you’re automatically in a relationship ready to move in together. My friend compared other lesbians to U-haul trucks, which I honestly didn’t understand until I witnessed firsthand how quickly girls move into relationships. The first sign of any sort of commitment and guys run away never to be seen again.  I don’t necessarily see this as a bad thing. Obviously if you’re happy why not start your happiness out as soon as possible. Be together, no use wasting anyone else’s time, but park the U-Haul trucks girls… we don’t need to be packing up and moving in and out of houses every few weeks. Be certain before you pack your belongings into that new place!

I love you to I hate you in less than an hour! Intense emotions are always on high! Whether they’re good or bad you know what they’re feeling.  The only problem with that is within minutes you can be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  Little hearts, loving smiles,  butterflies and holding hands quickly turns into an all out brawl over why someone didn’t call or text and the new girlfriends ex girlfriend’s friend said something about someone and you didn’t agree or disagree and now it’s completely over and everyone hates your guts!  And to add to all of that, they now keep playing the song she sang to you over and over on the radio!  Gender reverse? Guys equal just don’t care. It will never turn into that big of an ordeal or drama, simply because they don’t give a shit. Which has it perks obviously.

My friend’s girls are very proud of who they’re with. There’s no hiding it or keeping it a secret when they’re together you know it. Holding hands is completely ok and they’re simple in their things that make them happy. (At least my friend is and the ladies she’s come into contact with.) There’s no one shrugging off the hand holding or worrying about being a “man”, or who’s watching.  When it’s there, it simply is. No reason to justify it or hide it.  Guys? Ugh! I once had a guy tell me he couldn’t hold my hand in the beer isle, hunting department or electronics… that’s where other men are you know! My solution no hand holding at all… who do you think was bothered by that? Me.

                Maybe it’s all trial and error. I don’t think any relationship is perfect. We all have a lot to learn from each other.  However, I do know that after all of my terrible dates, combined with watching my lesbian friend date and countless other hopeless romantics continue to torment themselves, I will eventually have all the answers. Deciphering them; however,  may be the problem…
Thank you J for all the fun and entertainment!  What would I do without you?!?!?!?