Girls you should never date... and I mean EVER!

I slammed a lot of men when I gave women the idea of the type of guys to avoid along with all males named Josh! Now it’s time to shed some light on the girls… Single girls you don’t want to mess with!
I hope you don’t make the list; however, if you do it’s time to evaluate yourself.

1.       The social status girl, she’s constantly dating up. Which means for the moment you’d be number one but you can only be top dog for so long. She will use you up and move on to a guy who can give her more, do it better or the new ‘it’ guy in town. Sometimes this girl is a gold digger; however, status isn’t always about money. Tell her you’re a small fish in a big pond and then look at the other fish in the sea!

2.       The cheating girl, chances are if she cheats on her boyfriend/husband with you, she’ll turn around and do the same thing to you, once she gets bored with you. The cheater usually can’t be satisfied by one person. So, if you get to thinking you’re her only one she may have other news that you’re definitely not the last one for her! Come on guy when you said “Guess who”, she called you three names before she got it right!

3.       The crying girl, she’s overly emotional and sensitive. She will cry during every Disney movie (including the newly owned Star Wars) which means when you try to joke around with her, she will take it offensively. Your friends will not be welcomed because she can’t handle their sarcastic nature and you’re left with a whiney girl that none of your guy friends can stand to be around. Give her a box of tissues and move on.

4.       The Identity Girl, she has no idea who she is so she becomes everything you are. A social sponge, your favorite teams, cars, and foods this girl will slowly become everything you are. And while at first it might be nice that she enjoys doing everything you do or liking everything you like it will quickly become old. She’s known as a “yes” girl simply because she can’t hold her own opinion. I’m sorry in your matching jerseys, hats and shoes I couldn’t tell who was wearing the pants!

5.       The Daddy’s girl, there is only one man who can do everything she asks and more and it’s Daddy! You are never going to match or live up to her expectations of her father. And while you’re trying to date her, you realize it’s more like having a child. She whines when she doesn’t get her way, tries to pout and speaks in a squeaky annoying baby gibberish voice. And that’s when you realize, you’ve become a foster parent to the girl you’ve been trying so desperately to get into her pants. When she says she wants to call you Daddy it definitely isn’t sexual.

6.       The On the Clock girl, she has a timeline for how her life is going to turn out. Married by 25, cute house by 28 and children by 30. One boy and a set of girl twins, let’s not forget the dog… ok when I said dog I meant purse decoration. Any frilly tiny yappy dog will do, say good bye to your man hood when you’re walking your tea cup yorkie on a hot pick leopard print leash with a rhinestone collar. Yes, you have been neutered.

7.       The Bisexual girl, she’s stingy and doesn’t know what she really wants. Sure it sounds great that she’ll be into girl with you; however, it won’t work in your favor that they both end up in bed with you. You’ll be the third wheel in your own relationship whether it’s another guy or a girl will totally depend on her desperate attempt for attention.

8.       The clingy girl, say goodbye to all your buddies once you start dating her, you’ll never see them again. Why? She WILL become your new best friend and be involved in everything and anything that you do. Your work is hiring great now you really can spend all day together and night. You’ll never be alone again! EVER!

9.       The lack of list girl, she can’t remember all the people she has had sex with name’s let alone the number of people who are on that list. Sure she’s had a threesome, foursome and a gang bang and she wonders ‘who hasn’t?’ She’s been ran through more times than a train tunnel and chances are with her lack of memory she probably also forgot to use a condom, take birth control or let you in on her STD secret!

10.   The Ex girl friend, chances are she freaked out on your friend at some point and you had to pick your buddies side. Repeating your past isn’t a great idea neither is repeating your friend’s past mistake. If she’s a well known ex to your friend, the past will end up coming right back up. When the things she used to do to your friend or the comparison of your performance to your friend’s comes up. You know you want her to say you’re better than your friend but what happens when she pauses to think about it… “well……………ummmmmmmmmm” Immediately you’re now insecure about your own ability and jealous of your friend.  

11. The athlete girl, she's faster than you, bigger than you and could easily take your legs out with one hit to the knee cap. She's a body builder, that works out and goes big or goes home! Put your tail between your legs and run from her, do not make eye contact, any indication of fear will make her  attack.

Obviously all girls are crazy slightly it’s in our DNA. I am slightly crazy. I have girl tendencies as well, but when those girl traits become over whelming it’s time to set the girl free and move on. So, I'll leave crazies off the top ten because you all know that girl. She’ll keep calling, she’ll keep texting and she probably won’t take the hint that it’s over until you have to be a jerk. True crazy girls will show their true colors almost immediately.
Stupid girls also should be avoided but not everyone can be a genius. 
If you eep an eye out for the top ten you should survive dating and if the radar goes off, well you better run!

Lovers and loveless and clueless

Hello Lover!

I say that because I have a lot to cover and very much like “Sex in the City” I am sitting here in my tank top and boy shorts typing away about my life to strangers. My way is more comfortable I’m in my bed pillows all around me and I couldn’t think of another place I’d rather be. So, let’s dish some dirt shall we?

1.       The Go for it clause:

If you can look beyond a person’s flaws and think “wow this guy really likes me”, go for it. Take the chance, dive from the top of the cliff and fall ever happily ever after in love. Dream the dream ladies and gents go the distance; however, if that little voice inside your head says this may be too good to be true, take heed and don’t beat yourself up over it. Your heart was in the right place, his was not. And you are beautiful and destined for greatness and all the love in the world. It may not come in the form you wish, but go easy on your heart, she’s taken a beating but each and every day she keeps you going. Feel it, love it, live it. Love life and enjoy whatever the little things are and the big things, All the things you over look. Slow dance. Hold hands. And appreciate those people who have never turned their back on you. Trust and then love, for you can always love the one you trust, but cannot always trust the one you love.

2.       The Heart:

Time heals nothing. Old love scars and bitter hearts are molding and breaking and trying to survive. We learn to live without people just as we learn to live with new people. If they’re not in your life anymore, either you made that bold brave move or they did it for you and you no matter how lonely you get are better off without them. You are more than you could ever imagine. Let your heart heal, let your heart mend, scars remain but they are reminders of who you were and where you’ve come from. They are showing you the right direction of where you want to be.

3.       Homeless men:

I know it sounds crazy but if you’re in the need for a date desperately, consider a homeless man. Shop Good will clothes, a hot LONG shower with soap and shampoo and he’s cleaned up and ready to impress.  Make sure he doesn’t want to live with you though. And obviously ladies or gentlemen this date is obviously on you. Last I checked the rule “who ever paid gets laid” is not longer an official dating rule. This all depends on the players I assume. (Yes, a homeless  man asked if he could live with me in exchange he would be my boyfriend if it was necessary… how thoughtful.)

4.       The storm:

I run from it. I hide from it. Until I have to face it. Sadly, no matter how many times I change my hair, buy new clothes, new makeup, and road trip, and get away, avoiding sleep. Not a single thing can keep me from my own demons. The storm is coming and it’s a battle I face every day. When you dance with the devil, the devil don’t change. The devil changes you.  You’ve got to deal with your demons before your demons deal with you. Stand up and face them. No amount of running can make your problems go away and there isn’t a hairstyle in the world that can change your entire outlook on life.

5.       Struggle:

It’s going to happen, rise above or sink below. Sometimes you’re a swan perfect on the open water. Everyone envies you, everyone loves you and they don’t see how much you struggle and kick your feet under the water to get around to survive and to keep on going. Hold on to that fight in you. Paddle furiously underneath, because sometimes you have to make it all alone.

 

6.       Emtpy:

Have you ever felt completely alone in a room full of people and yet found solace in an empty room? Can you stand the thoughts inside your head long enough to be alone or do you need that room of people to distract you? I’ve never felt more alone than the day I stood in a room full of my friends.

7.       Why not me? What’s wrong with me?

I am constantly battling with the idea that something is wrong with me.  For instance, in all my life and sexual experience (which is limited believe or not) I have only offered to have sex with two people that I was not completely crushing mad head over heels thought I’d be with them forever relationship. Both of them turned me down. And though by no fault of their own I somehow blame myself or think that I wasn’t good enough. I need to stop my labeling. I need to realize that some people want skittles and some people want M&M’s and I’m Rainbow Twizzlers. I’m just not made for everyone; I don’t fit the mold “everyone’s type”. So why do I beat myself up when I’m turned down? Is it because I’ve been forced to believe that I should fit into the man created sexy image? Maybe it is, and I know it gets to us when we see it plastered all over magazines, books, and movies and even in art. But what does beauty define? Who decides what is beautiful? We do, we set the trends, we compare ourselves, let’s stop it. Who defines beauty, we do because we are.

 

A man will lie to your face when he is himself, give him a mask and he’ll tell you everything you want to know. Which masks are you wearing and which ones do you need to remove

Great insight and brutally honest!

I’ve realized here lately that older men are great resources to the way men think. They don’t sugar coat anything, I know two especially that are in my life (through work) and love to give me insight into other men. They have both been in the military; both paid their dues (by getting married and having kids) and have lived the rest of their lives single and dating. Here’s what they shared with me:

1.       Men don’t want women who are always thinking of the future. Live in the now. Translation: “All of you girls who have your wedding planned out; keep it to yourself. Men don’t want to hear how you have planned their entire lives for them. Chances are they haven’t thought about what they’re going to eat in two hours let alone what the names of all the future children will be and what colors you think compliment your eyes for the center pieces on the tables.”

2.       We do guy stuff; we have time when it’s just us and our friends. Translation: “When I’m with my guy friends, don’t text me and call me a million times. Either I’m not going to answer or I’m not going to say what you want me to say, I’m with my friends, find your own and do something!”

3.       I like things the way I like them; I don’t want anyone to mess that up. Translation: “My house, my car, my garage my things may be a mess to you but that’s my mess and I’m not asking you or anyone else to fix it. Don’t move my things around, don’t try to organize and just accept it.”

4.       Your sneaky woman tricks don’t work; we know what you’re doing. Translation: “Don’t move your things into my house slowly; keep your shit at your house. If I haven’t invited you to bring a toothbrush then don’t. If I do invite you to bring a toothbrush, that’s all you can bring all that extra stuff in your “get ready” bag isn’t on the list. Take it back home. Also, don’t buy me things to ‘leave at your place, just in case’ I’m not moving in with you either. Don’t try to sneak me into your house by buying all my supplies thinking this will trick me into never leaving you. I’m smarter than that!”

5.       I mean what I say and I say what I mean. I’m upfront with you, it’s not a line it’s the truth. Translation: “When I say I don’t want anything to do with your children, I mean it. I won’t change my mind. If I say I’m not looking for a girlfriend, that’s not a secret code for you can change my mind. If I say I don’t want to spend the night, that isn’t a cue for you to start begging me. You can’t get mad at me later in the relationship, when you realize that I’m not going to marry you, take care of your kids, spend the night or even make you my girlfriend. You were warned early on”

6.       I may be old but I’m not blind. Translation: “We’re men, we are going to look. Don’t take that as we hate you, we think you’re fat or some other crazy woman thought. In reality that girl probably wouldn’t give us the time of day. Just don’t jump down our throat if we’re good to you and only look.”

7.       There’s a time to let go. Translation: “If we went out and you never hear from me again, or I suddenly stop talking to you, let it go. Texting and calling me twenty or more times a day isn’t going to change that. Hell, three times isn’t going to change that. It may be wrong but I’m done and I’m moving on. So should you.  If I’m not replying and you keep trying, you look pathetic and I’m considering loading my gun before bed.”

8.       This ain’t the old days. Translation: “Now a days you women work too. It’s not right we pay all the time. I’m not saying that you just go spend all your money on men all the time. But if we’ve gone out a few times, it’s nice if you offer to pay. I may not let you and maybe I spent a little too much on my truck and will let you. Who knows? The point is, it’s nice of you just to offer, so we know right away whether you just want our wallet or not.”

9.       Let me be a man! Translation:  “If something’s broke let me try to fix it. Don’t tell me how to do it, why to do it or when to do it. I’ll get to it. If I can’t do it, let me talk to a friend. He might be able to do it. Don’t just assume I can’t do anything and call someone. The last resort is calling someone and chances are I have a buddy who can fix it for half price. So let me take care of that. Stepping on my man toes only pisses me off. Then I’ll never offer to help you again.”

10.   There are a lot of things that come before you. Translation: “My dog has been with me for years, he’s not going anywhere. My truck gets washed every Sunday and waxed shortly after, I like doing that. I meet with the boys a few nights a week. I don’t want to change that. I see my family often, you may be invited you may not be invited but I’m still going to do those things. The thing is, if we are ever to become anything you need to quit trying to change who I am. That’s not going to happen, you liked me enough to start talking to me, why do ya wanna change me now?”

It must be a marine thing…

As I read a copy of, The 21^st Century’s Guide to Casual Sex,  began thinking how guilty women are of doing some of the exact same behavior as described in the book. No I won’t go into sorted details because I actually want you to read it. But I will say this, as women we are just as bad as men when it comes to using the opposite sex.

As women the use of men may be in different ways, using someone doesn’t always have to mean sexually. Some use men to fill a the void of not getting attention from men in their lives, others prefer their money or lavish gifts and more often than not a woman will take a million compliments from a man she has no interest in simply because he is willing to tell her what she wants to hear. No woman can dispute the fact that sometimes we use them for our own selfish reasons. Yet, we continuously hate on men for using us, is because their needs of using us differ from our own?

You may remember that I wrote about having the horrible sex with the man in the Christmas boxers, if I didn’t tell you then I’m telling you now, he was a marine.  What does it matter, at the time I didn’t think it did. What does one military service have over another? I have no idea, though they will tell you (in any branch) that one is obviously more superior than the other, coming back to that whole whose penis is bigger macho argument. When I would say a penis is a penis, you both have one get over it. That’s how I felt about the military; you all serve the same country, you all are wonderful services to the American people now let’s move on. However, after I met Man and went out with him not once, not twice but three times I would have to say that Marines are now at the bottom of my list, holding a very close second the Navy for obvious past relationship reasons.

The sad part of this situation is that I don’t even remember Man’s name. And the only clever nick name I could give him was “Man” and simply because he had a pet dog that he referred to as “Dog” so it seems suitable to refer to him as “Man”. I remember he had amazing blue eyes and was a very smooth talker. He reminded me slightly of someone I once loved so I really and I mean REALLY tried to like him. After all he did make it past one date. That’s got to count for something.

Well Man was as I said an active Marine, made decent money as shown by his material items and the way he dressed and smelled (nothing better than a man who smells good, he can be a bum as long as he smells good instant bonus points). He was also a gentleman in public opening not only doors to the buildings for me but my car door as well as I slid down into his Audi TT. He would hold out his hand as he opened the car door to help me out and then even walk hand in hand with me into the fancy dinning places we always ended up. He had game or he really liked me, but there was something that I was lacking. There was something that I couldn’t figure out on dates one or two. Why after having decent dates and intelligent conversation couldn’t I like “Man”. I sought advice from every friend I had: female, male, lesbian, gay it didn’t matter they all said the same thing “There’s no chemistry, Single girl get over it and move on.”

But I wanted there to be chemistry. I wanted to like Man because he was good to me, he treated me well and he was pretty awesome standing next to. Arm and arm I’d say we could have been a power couple and taken on the world but when it came to sparks and butterflies I couldn’t find them. The things that he did that I enjoyed couldn’t compare to the things men that I had loved without all the money without all the materialistic possessions and flashy dining did for me. So I had two choices, I could be upfront with Man and tell him he was amazing and I knew a million girls that would kill to be with him or I could have sex with him and hope to find that attraction that I was missing.  Think, think, think… what’s a single girl to do?

My logic who really believes those speeches about being awesome and anyone being lucky to have you… and after all before you decide to buy a car you test drive it to make sure you like it and if you’re still unsure maybe you take it  around one more block, right? Logically, Single girl isn’t always right. But just like men, we do things that are irrational and may look a lot like “using” from the outside. I wouldn’t call it that, more like a match. If a match doesn’t light up on fire the first time you try again, second time you try again and third time well you hope you get a spark. Man was my match and I was looking for fire. And as we all know when you play with fire you’re going to get burned.

After another wonderful spark-less date, Man came back to my house and he picked a movie for us to watch on Netflix. (Which I have to add, that I truly from the bottom of my heart do LOVE my Netflix. See how easily we toss the word love around…) I think he chose the original Night of the Living Dead or something along that nature. For normal people that may not have been the right setting for anything sexual but I’m not typical I love horror movies and I had seen it before, winning!

On my couch Man sat with me as I snuggled up to him, I was going to have to make the first move. Oh, what’s this? Man may be a gentle man outside but when it came time to get down to business he knew exactly what buttons to push. So, I’m thinking this is going to work out perfectly. Through the house we go and make it into my bedroom. I played the victim “We shouldn’t be doing this.” and “We need to wait.” Men like to think they’re able to seduce us, it’s a powerful thing to encourage someone to have sex with you when they’re trying so hard not to. But in my mind I was like ok let’s get this on. Let’s go Man show me what you’ve got. He wasn’t using me, I was using him.

The sex was a complete failure, I faked it to be done (because he wanted to make sure that I came and enjoyed myself before he did) and then it happened. He came, the flood gates opened and it was a torrential down poor. Then something hit me, the smell was terrible. His spunk and all its fury smelled like something dying, something that I cannot even begin to describe. Death and garbage filled my room and I immediately hopped up to head to bathroom to clean myself off. I was disturbed and disgusted what in the hell had just happened how could and odor so bad come from a man who during normal day smelled so good?  I showered I had to get it away I had to make the smell stop.

After a thorough scrubbing I went back to my bedroom and the smell lingered. He lay there in my bed and apparently had no intention of leaving. I stumbled around what to say and asked him if he had to work in the morning (knowing very well that he did in fact have to report about 0700. He asked me to set my alarm for him. Think quick single girl think quick…..

“Since you have to be up so early… why don’t you take a shower so you won’t have to get up earlier?” One of two things are going to happen, he’s going to say no politely leave or he’s going to shower and I can de-funk my bed. Of course he chose to shower. I spent that short ten minutes disinfecting my entire room. Thank God for Lysol! When I say everything I mean everything I sprayed my bed, sheets, pillows and anything near my bed that could have been contaminated.  He came back, curled up next to me and I cringed. He didn’t smell, the room didn’t smell but once you smell something so terrible it’s stuck in your nose forever. I didn’t sleep well. Off and on I would wake up and still find Man completely content curled up to me in bed.

When my alarm went off for him, I expected a nice goodbye I’ll talk to you later, have a great day at work. What did I get?  

“Single girl, I’ve got time to kill how about another go at it?”

Single girl got morning sex. And even after two completely clean bodies the smell returned. He kissed me goodbye and I began my ritual of showering until my skin fell off. This time I threw my sheets away. Sprayed Lysol on my mattress and my entire room once again, then never returned a text from him.

How do you tell a guy I can’t date you because your sperm makes me want to throw up? What would you say if someone said “Your spunk is funky!”

I can only be thankful for one thing, that I didn’t take the south route,( which I normally enjoy) before going straight into having sex.

Two marines, two bad sexually experiences? It can’t be a coincidence, it must be a Marine thing.

*side note I just remembered his name ( I felt bad for a minute…)

Single Girl to Single Woman????????????

I was driving down the road with my cousin (21 y.o) on one side of me and my Mother and my younger (17 y.o.)cousin in the back of the car, when I looked at myself in my rear view mirror and realized I'm starting to look my age. I'm actually getting older. I have been feeling it for years and now I'm starting to see it. The worst part was not that I'm aging (though I will admit I am not taking it well ) it's the just the more I thought about getting older  the more I realized I've been acting my age and  far above my age as well..... the  begining of the end. And my birthday is soon.... take at least five candles away please...

Top Signs Single Girl is getting Old.

1. I look forward to sleep on the weekends.

2. My Sunday's are always dedicated to house work.

3. A guy speaks to me and immediately I wonder "How old is he?" Not because he might be too old but because I think he's too young!

4. I immediately feel like an old woman when I walk into the mall.

5. I'm not hip with the new lingo you dig me?

6. Cats.... I own two.

7. I spend more time thinking "I really don't need to waste my money on that." when I'm out shopping.

8. I think in career terms instead of job terms.

9. I've accepted my age because I can't hide it anymore.

10. Instead of arguing with people I suddenly have become the bigger person.

11.  I think how my actions will affect others and the rest of my life.

12. I share life lessons with teenagers and say "I know this because I've lived it."

13. I use the phrases "One day you'll regret..." or "One day you'll think about that and realize..." when talking to a person about a problem they're having. And then later to myself I say "If they would have listened to me..."

14. Everyone younger than me has issues.

15. I can't even define cool or use the correct word to associate what cool would be in today's youth terms.

16. My cell phone has more phone numbers for family, coworkers and doctors than potential dates.

17. I'm proud of my flowers and my lawn that's still a work in progress.

18. Songs I used to sing along to with my Mother are now one the "oldies" radio station.

19. I have houseplants and none of them are illegal or can be smoked.

20. The "other" items outnumber the alcoholic items in my kitchen.

21. Everyone looks too young to be driving, dating or drinking!

22. I miss having naps.

23. Sexual harassment doesn't happen to me anymore.

24. I cut my hair.

25. A ten minute wait at Red Box for movies is my Friday night entertainment!

26. I have icy hot and mineral ice to rub on my joints when they're sore.

27. I put decorations in my house with inspiring words and quotes.

28. I'm crafty.

29. I read a lot.

30. The television is used for background noise while I spend most of my evening working.

Babies and birth control should have been the least of my worries...

As most of you noticed I posted a photo today of a missed birth control pill. And I’m sure every girl on the pill can vouch for the fact how easy it is to miss one pill. The comments and humor surrounding this photo brought up a memory of my ex. I’ve thought about it all day and how to tell this story. Where to begin and how to make sure you get the point I’m actually trying to make with it. I do not want the focus to be on the fight as much as the moral that at the time I was too blind to see (birth control was NOT my problem).

I had been with Mr. Comfort (at the time) for five years. We had settled into a very boring life. If you would have asked me then I would have told you I was completely happy. I would have told you that I was exactly where I was meant to be and he was exactly what I wanted. I would have done anything for him, and most times did. Defending his poor work skills, lack of motivation and ambition, ignoring his lack of hygiene and over looking his late nights with the boys and his obsession over W.O.W. or whatever it was that they did in the garage of his best friend’s mother. I would have told you that buying his clothes, food and whatever new “toy” was on the market was alright with me because love had no value, it was just money and I wanted him to be happy. I would have told you I loved him, that he was good to me and that I was loved in return. I would have naively told you he felt the exact same way about me.

I had been on the pill for probably four of those years and I had started having medical complications. I had gone to the OBGYN and together we discussed multiple options. For a time we switched my pills trying new ones with different levels of estrogen, then as a final result she suggested I completely stop taking birth control until we figured out what the problem was. I had hope that maybe I had been on the pill for too long and a break would obviously do my body some good.

I had kept Mr. Comfort up to date on each of these visits. I didn’t hide it from him, I never once pretended things weren’t being changed around or increased or decreased and so when my doctor suggested I stop taking the pill I also told him that.

I sat in the bedroom telling him I was going to be taking a break from the pill so we would need to use other protection as we had before I was put on the pill. He nodded in agreement. I explained my that my doctor thinks my body might just need a break from it and that I could go back on it again in a few months but for the time being  we would have to be "careful". He nodded in agreement. At first he and I were both against me being put on the pill for multiple reasons. One very important one is that it can reduce a woman’s sex drive,but once I realized I was only going to have three day periods there was no changing my mind.

My sex drive had decreased but so had his interest in me. We weren’t rabid sex craved teenagers anymore, when each moment alone was a chance to have sex. Being on birth control meant he had to try a little harder to get my engine ready and at times he was willing to do so, other times not so much. Together we had let our sexual relationship be put on the back burner to our comfortable it happens when it happens, it is what it is and this is our live routine. Healthy??? Not by a long shot but like I said “we” loved each other.

After being off the pill for a week or so my sex drive came roaring back into play. No longer could I sit near him alone without it constantly playing in my head. Each time I went to bed it was solely for the purpose of having sex. I wanted it more at that time than I had when we first began our sexual relationship. He didn't complain and I kept him busy...

 Towards the end of a very passionate romp in the sheets, he came inside me. Immediately my mind went into panic, OMG I'm going to get pregnant!!!!!!!!!!! However, in order to NOT freak him out I said nothing.  That night I lay awake for a while scared. I was not ready to be a mother, he was not ready to be a father. I would have to tell him that we could not do that anymore. We were too young to have a baby. And by too young I mean 23. I was not going to be one of "those" women who had "accident" children.

The next day we went to Bob Evans for lunch (freaking Bob Evans!!!!!! ) and I sat smiling and laughing with him completely content, with just him and I, not wanting to add a mini either one of us to the equation I decided to bring up that we definitely need to be more careful in the bedroom.

“You know last night was awesome. But we have to remember I’m not on my birth control and…”

*What the fuck? (He yelled in freaking Bob Evans)

“You know I haven’t been taking my pill, I told you that…”

*Well fuck, we might as well name the fucking kid now... Jesus, fuck me. A fucking kid?

“Seriously? I told you about this! You knew from day one, don’t act like this is my fault!”

*You scandalous bitch, you’re trying to trap me! If you get fucking pregnant I'm stuck!

Trap him? Scandalous? We have been dating for five years if I wanted to “trap” him I would have done it sooner.

Mean while all the older couples enjoying their Sunday lunches and their families have started to look us as if we were white trash. He continued to draw attention to us pointing the blame all on me.

“How dare you speak to me that way, I’m the one here telling you we need to be more responsible and you’re attacking me? It’s obvious you don’t listen to a single word I say. Or you WOULD have remembered!”

*You let me do it. You could have stopped me. This is your fault. I’m going to be fucking stuck with you and some bastard kid I don’t want forever. There goes my fucking life. Are you fucking happy?

With that I got up. I walked away, I was embarrassed, hurt and completely stunned by his behavior. I apologized to the elderly couple sitting closest to us and asked if I could pay for their meal.

*You better save your fucking money for that kid of yours…

They declined realizing I had more problems than the looks I was getting from the entire Bob Evans Sunday crowd. I left the building I walked to my car. He came out after me. The entire way home I refused to speak. For a while he too was silent then he tried to smooth things over. I was beyond words; no amount of apologizing could make up for the hurtful words he had just said. I looked dead ahead at the road, replaying the entire Bob Evans outburst in my head.

“Scandalous bitch, bastard child, all my fault… Scandalous bitch, bastard child, all my fault” like a record repeating in my head.

*You know I was just shocked and didn’t mean all of that. I just hope you’re not pregnant. Fuck. Um, I’m sorry, my temper got away with me and…

His mother pulled up into the drive way where I was trying to get him to leave my car. I still had not spoken a single word to him. I sat there disgusted by this person I “loved” who supposedly “loved” me, angry tears began to form in my eyes as his mother approached the car going on about some party or some family event she wanted us to attend, I couldn’t look at her and I refused to look at him. I couldn’t sit there without completely melting down and screaming at her son for what horrible things he had said to me and about me. She stopped in the middle of her rant:

“Single girl… are you okay? Mr. Comfort is she crying what’s going on… what happened…

*She’s fine mom just leave her alone. I’ll talk to you later alright…. Alright? I’ll call you. I’ll see you tomorrow ok… ok…

I didn’t answer. I would not answer.

 He finally got out of my car and as he walked away I could hear his mother asking him a million questions. Questions I knew he wouldn’t answer. Things I knew he would never tell her and probably never speak of again, even to me. These were things I would never forget…

And yet I stayed with him, until he cheated on me and broke up with me six months later.

Past, present and your friend's ex's

I’ve often heard one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. In that sense I ask you this, is one woman’s ex another woman’s white knight? Does it make a difference if that woman is one of your friends? I wonder should you take a relationship hint from your female’s friends past mistakes?  What factors play into this decision? How close of a friend is she? How long have you known them? What if it was years ago? What if they’ve both moved on? What if, what if, what if…

If they didn’t last does it mean that you can’t succeed in a relationship either? Not all people are compatible, we each have ex’s we wouldn’t recommend to other women; however, many of my ex’s are happily in relationships and even married. Just because they weren’t for me doesn’t mean they aren’t for anyone else. So, how do you decide whether or not to judge someone on their past relationship or just jump in head first and hope for the best?

One of my friend’s ex’s has over the past years repeatedly tried to go out with me, spend time with me or just “hang out with me”. I admire his persistence, what woman doesn’t want to be chased? Though I enjoy a good game of chase, I’m a woman who eventually likes to be caught. But I don’t feel being caught in this game would make a smart decision.  Would I just be another animal tracked down by the hound…

Though I’m sure my friend may have had some of her own issues in their relationship, he holds just as much to blame. I wonder what would make me any different from her. Should I hold him accountable for something that may never happen, should I assume he’d cheat on me, fight with me, and belittle me in the same way she had once described to me? Or it is completely unfair to judge him by someone else’s standards? Am I being fair to him by refusing the persistence, ignoring the compliments and avoiding his company?

Is it possible that people change? Is it possible that one man will treat every woman the same? Back to that am I the rule or the exception question… Or should it just be that I should ignore him not because he hasn’t changed and not because he could treat me the same way but because he was once my friend’s boyfriend. Should it become a matter of loyalty to my friend and not a matter of his character; however, everyone is someone’s ex!  Where do the lines cross, the tracks meet and the road end for all the exceptions I should make or the reasons I should pick a side.

At what point should you stop letting another person’s past ruin your possible future?

*Thoughts at random. Single Girl’s Mind gone awry. *

Sexually Textual

So, in order to respond to all the love in the air in spring time I thought that I would share a little tickle your pickle game, to keep you occupied and still sex free. Not all of us randomly go around sleeping with strangers and having sex with random people, or maybe that’s just me. However, I do have needs and I do enjoy a good time. And you can play this game with your boyfriend, girlfriend or text “friend”.

A while ago with a boyfriend of mine I came up with a game to keep us in the mood and ready to go at the drop of a hat whenever we finally got time to be together. With jobs and life sometimes it’s hard to have the time for foreplay. And let’s be honest, sometimes we can’t just jump to it and be raring and ready to go. We came up with a way to keep us both on the edge of our seats with anticipation that made it even more fun once we finally met later in the day/night.

The game was called “Truth, Picture, Dirty Go!” In the game using cell phone cameras, text messages and often times short videos anything goes. Any question can be asked and MUST be answered with the truth. A picture can be sent and a similar picture must be returned. For example for a underwear shot for a panty shot. Dirty is a scenario “What would you do if you were with me right now…. (insert place)” and then your partner in crime follows up with dirty talk from head to toe where you would they start, speed, finish and end up. The “Go” portion of the game is to signal you’re on your way home and it’s definitely a game on night.

With videos they can get tricky. It doesn’t have to be the same video but it has to live up to the standard and level of the video sent to you much like the picture. However, in the video you try to one up the other. You want to go a little further than they did.

The tricky part is for neither of you to actually “get off”. The anticipation and the build up through the day will make your night much more enjoyable. If you give in to the urge you’re going to miss the passion later. Make it an ongoing daily event. I’m a firm believer in daily sex when in a healthy relationship. Make sure to keep it interesting and fun and you’ll always be left wanting more… and your partner? The happiest one on the block!

Now if you’re not going to see each other. Be sure to keep it going as long as possible before you give in. The longer you go the more enjoyable your own experience will be. Slow and steady wins the race.

Single girl’s opinion gives this two thumbs WAY up!!!!!!!

Reality Check each night immediately followed by laying down in bed....

Now that I’ve deleted all my dating sites I’m a little lost in the dating worldg. I think this is the first time in a VERY long time that I haven’t been “talking” to someone or “texting” or having some form of communication with a man of some interest. This has made me realize a few things:

1.       I have no life. I work which allows me to avoid any

real life. Make any connections with anyone, truly

to avoid any pain it may cause me. I work and go home

and work some more. A plus side to this I have

been spending more quality time with my family.

Cleaning my house (kind of) and reading.  I have found

comfort in reading at night while I cannot sleep.

        Reading has replaced my texting conversations at
        night.I used to text men I was talking to until I could         finally fall asleep.
Night time is definitely  the  loneliest part of the day.

At night is when I think about the people I’ve lost, the people I’ve encountered and the horrible things that have happened to me haunt me, as if they were projected on my ceiling constantly replaying them. I don’t focus on the negative but at the end of the day, with an empty house, shut away in the dark, feeling completely alone in the entire world, they seem to lurk into my mind and keep me awake. These people, these things, they are haunting my waking hours as much as they do my dreams.

2.       Having this time to clear my head before jumping into anything with any man, even just casual texting has made me realize what I have lost in the past. And that I do love him. I questioned it while we were together. I wondered if I actually did. And it’s not because I’m lonely; there have been other guys I’ve talked to since and could have strung along for the ride if I just didn’t want to be lonely. But I didn’t do that. I stopped. I moved on and let them go. Because that isn’t fair to anyone. After all of it I really do love him. And why do I? I am in complete control of myself, the only person I can control is me so I've been told. Then why can't I tell my head and heart "Single girl don't be stupid, you can't love him! NOT HIM!"

3.       Loving him doesn’t change anything at all. Especially his mind.

And because there isn’t anything I can do about that. I’ve decided to do whatever I can do for me. I’m going to go back to school. I’m going to get hobbies. I’m going to have some sort of life… I just have to decide now what I want to do with my life… and what I want to spend it on. After all we only get one....

I could have changed the world as well...

It took a very long time for me to write this and though it's not my usual rant, it is about life a love and loss...

When I lost a fellow classmate, a wonderful friend and an amazing inspiration to many people (especially me),  at much too young of an age to a sickness most people haven’t heard of, I began thinking about the talks that we had.

He loved me; I had known this for a long time. He would have done anything for me. He would have gone through hell for me, if I’d even so much as hinted its necessity. He defended me many times and was there for me through the death of another dear friend I lost too soon to the war in Afghanistan. At night he would remind me why life was worth living. He would focus on the great things in life and how proud he was of me and what I had become. Even though he continued to push me to do more and make myself better.

As I sit and think of him and his short thirty years of life and the friendship that we had, I also realize the things that he will miss out on. And I rip myself apart  thinking of things that I could have done to help him cross something, anything off the bucket list. To give him more of a life he wanted than the one he had. His last part of life was full of doctors and appointments, medications and treatments, though when I met him he was an average sophomore guy.

I think back to when I first met him and how we even became friends. Had it of not been for his secret crush on me through shy conversations that evolved into detailed debates and hilarious banter and my own naïve freshman mind thinking I knew everything about life and love and the effects it can have on your entire life. I pushed him away and kept him as a friend. Part of me loves that he has always been my friend. I have something of value knowing he was a true FRIEND. However, the other part of me wishes that I could have been more to him.

He talked to me about having a family one day and being married. Of what his future held. He was extremely optimistic and I enjoyed listening to his dreams and future plans. At that time he was in remission, the odds were in his favor. I smiled and told him he would have all that and more because he was an amazing guy, that everyone and anyone would want to have someone just like him in their lives. Then in fear of the seriousness of the conversation, we laughed that I would be a crazy cat lady forever.

Maybe I could have married him. Had children with him and had a family. We could have been normal. We could have had it all. And for a short while he would have had everything he wanted! Though I would have hoped it would have been more than he could have ever dreamed. I also think that he would have had a life that lived on much longer after he moved on.

Yes, my memories and the memories his other friends and family, have are worthy of keeping his spirit going. But I wish I could have done that for him. I wish I could have made his short life a tiny bit better and given him that wish. Given him the family and life he wanted even if it was only for a short period of time. And then I would have been left with a living piece of him as well. Someone that I looked at each day to remind me how beautiful the world can be and how in tough times you find your strength.

He often reminded me how I was worth so much more than I allow myself to believe. For the rest of my life, I’m going to live up to his standards. I love you dear friend, no more tears in heaven, you’re the music in my heart. 

“Remember be that dream, live that dream you and I are that dream; with an undying, undiminished, unfiltered, uncontrollable, love.” (His words to me) I will never forget you. Rest in peace my dear close friend, knowing that your life (though not nearly long enough) touched so many lives and forever changed mine.

Shhhhhhhhhhhh! It's a secret. I promise I won't blog about it! Mr Military!

So that thing that I promised NEVER to blog about, well here it goes.

This borderlines the how far is too far to go? What actually becomes to intimate to share with others?  Obviously not this……

At first when I promised I wouldn’t ever blog about it, I followed it with “As long as you never hurt me, or do anything weird you have nothing to do worry about.” Well FAIL, Mr. Military you hurt me so now it’s too funny NOT to blog about.

 I had been dating Mr. Military for a few months and things were going well, regular daily/nightly sex, hanging out with friends, quality time with each other, he held my hand in public, a genuine awesome guy. (Apparently I’m an idiot)

Then suddenly, we stopped having sex.  I would try and be shot down. He was tired. He had a headache. Excuses, excuses, excuses! Like an old couple we went to bed and went to sleep. That was it. I enjoy sex and I did enjoy it with him so when that was taking away from me I wasn’t extremely thrilled.

Finally, I was frustrated, and I said* “I feel like a guy. I always want to have sex with you and you’re always turning me down. We’re too early in the relationship to be “too tired” or “have headaches” all the time.”

He was obviously not very pleased with the fact that I had talked to my friends about how we didn’t have sex anymore. What can I say? Girls talk and I didn’t understand and wanted advice.  What could have turned so cold so fast? And he looked at me and said

 “You tell your friends about our sex life?” Hello duh! I’m a girl. Of course I talk to them about it and in this case the lack there of it. All my friends know when I’m in a relationship it must happen daily. It’s the way I am. Relationships are more than sex, I completely understand that. But I only have sex when I’m in a relationship so it’s necessary!

*“Yes, but that’s so not the point. The point is you never want to have sex anymore. What is it?”

“If I tell you something………”

Longest moment of silence in history, I just sat there with this concerned yet evil glare on my face, hoping for the best and yet expecting the worst.

“Do you promise not to blog about it? Because if you are going too then I’m not going to tell you.”

LOL –FOR REAL!

*“Well as long as you never hurt me or do anything weird I wouldn’t blog about something that you didn’t want me too. Besides I never use names…. I’m kidding.” <truth

“Well about a week ago, I went to the medic because I’m having a problem. And I didn’t want to tell you about it until I was sure.”

*“Sure of what? What kind of problem?” Now immediately I thought he was having the getting it up problem. I had a relationship like that before as well so I could understand that with the stress and importance of his job. I could help him through that.

“That’s the part I hate telling you. I have this…. This… well…. rash, the medic said it’s a heat rash.”

*“ON YOUR PENIS?”

“Yes…………”
“But it should go away. I thought maybe it was something else. I was so freaked out I was scared that maybe…”

*“What that maybe you had caught something from me? You think I’m diseased? You think I’m dirty well that’s fantastic. Thanks I really appreciate it. I was tested after the rape, you knew that and you have been the only one I’ve been with since but thanks for thinking I’m fucking around or lying to you.”

“No, I thought that sometimes it takes a while for symptoms to show and if I had something and would have to tell you that I had it I was going to feel horrible. So, I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure.”

*Angry Me “Well now you knew and I had to bring it up. You seriously thought it was my fault. If you gave me a STD I would be fucking pissed.”

“No the doctor said I should just use some powder. But I don’t have any. He gave me cream to use but it’s not helping. I’m embarrassed to go get the powder myself.”

“If it’s a heat rash you need gold bond or something. You don’t cure a heat rash with ointment. Are you sure that’s what you have?”

“Well that’s what he said.” He conveniently pulls the SUV in to a pharmacy parking lot. “Will you go in and get it for me?”

So into the pharmacy I march, searching isle after isle. All I find at first is a powder called “Anti Monkey Butt” and baby powder. Thinking like a man I thought that I wouldn’t want my penis smelling baby fresh. But who wants to use something called “anti monkey butt.” So I walked over the counter asked for the gold bond powder. Pointed in the right direction I grabbed it and two bottles of water, paid the man with my money and headed out back to the SUV.

I get the back in the SUV hand over not only a normal size bottle of Gold Bond but a travel size as well. Yes, I thought a head I’m an awesome girlfriend!!! <truth

Two days later:

“So the powder isn’t working”

*“WHAT?” I know it has to be something more.

“The rash is still there… and… it has… a smell. It itches all the time and has some off white discharge that smells funny.”

*“Does it bun?”

“No it just itches.”

*“And it smells like what?”

“I don’t know it just smells the powder and cream only make it worse.”

Think think think…. What could it possibly be.

*“You have a skin yeast infection.”

“No way.”

“No really you do. My grandma gets them and the infants I’ve been around get them from time to time. You need a cream especially for that or it won’t heal.”

Back to the pharmacy. I march in get yeast infection pills and a tube of Monistat cream and give to him.  (Yes that's a picture of a skin yeast infection but not his)

The rash is so bad that the Monistat isn’t doing anything except eliminating the itch momentarily but he refuses to go to the doctor, refuses to get it fixed or helped or cured!

Mr. Military was afraid of the doctor! Even with his horrible rash on his penis he would do nothing about it. I couldn’t understand it, but through it all I stayed faithful. I was in this relationship for good and bad.  Then……..

When he decided to break up with me through a facebook message, I got tested for STD’s. Whatever Mr. Military had, I didn’t catch. I hope both he and his penis at rash free and happy.