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Sunday, November 11, 2012

Girls you should never date... and I mean EVER!

I slammed a lot of men when I gave women the idea of the type of guys to avoid along with all males named Josh! Now it’s time to shed some light on the girls… Single girls you don’t want to mess with!
I hope you don’t make the list; however, if you do it’s time to evaluate yourself.

1.       The social status girl, she’s constantly dating up. Which means for the moment you’d be number one but you can only be top dog for so long. She will use you up and move on to a guy who can give her more, do it better or the new ‘it’ guy in town. Sometimes this girl is a gold digger; however, status isn’t always about money. Tell her you’re a small fish in a big pond and then look at the other fish in the sea!

2.       The cheating girl, chances are if she cheats on her boyfriend/husband with you, she’ll turn around and do the same thing to you, once she gets bored with you. The cheater usually can’t be satisfied by one person. So, if you get to thinking you’re her only one she may have other news that you’re definitely not the last one for her! Come on guy when you said “Guess who”, she called you three names before she got it right!

3.       The crying girl, she’s overly emotional and sensitive. She will cry during every Disney movie (including the newly owned Star Wars) which means when you try to joke around with her, she will take it offensively. Your friends will not be welcomed because she can’t handle their sarcastic nature and you’re left with a whiney girl that none of your guy friends can stand to be around. Give her a box of tissues and move on.

4.       The Identity Girl, she has no idea who she is so she becomes everything you are. A social sponge, your favorite teams, cars, and foods this girl will slowly become everything you are. And while at first it might be nice that she enjoys doing everything you do or liking everything you like it will quickly become old. She’s known as a “yes” girl simply because she can’t hold her own opinion. I’m sorry in your matching jerseys, hats and shoes I couldn’t tell who was wearing the pants!

5.       The Daddy’s girl, there is only one man who can do everything she asks and more and it’s Daddy! You are never going to match or live up to her expectations of her father. And while you’re trying to date her, you realize it’s more like having a child. She whines when she doesn’t get her way, tries to pout and speaks in a squeaky annoying baby gibberish voice. And that’s when you realize, you’ve become a foster parent to the girl you’ve been trying so desperately to get into her pants. When she says she wants to call you Daddy it definitely isn’t sexual.

6.       The On the Clock girl, she has a timeline for how her life is going to turn out. Married by 25, cute house by 28 and children by 30. One boy and a set of girl twins, let’s not forget the dog… ok when I said dog I meant purse decoration. Any frilly tiny yappy dog will do, say good bye to your man hood when you’re walking your tea cup yorkie on a hot pick leopard print leash with a rhinestone collar. Yes, you have been neutered.

7.       The Bisexual girl, she’s stingy and doesn’t know what she really wants. Sure it sounds great that she’ll be into girl with you; however, it won’t work in your favor that they both end up in bed with you. You’ll be the third wheel in your own relationship whether it’s another guy or a girl will totally depend on her desperate attempt for attention.

8.       The clingy girl, say goodbye to all your buddies once you start dating her, you’ll never see them again. Why? She WILL become your new best friend and be involved in everything and anything that you do. Your work is hiring great now you really can spend all day together and night. You’ll never be alone again! EVER!

9.       The lack of list girl, she can’t remember all the people she has had sex with name’s let alone the number of people who are on that list. Sure she’s had a threesome, foursome and a gang bang and she wonders ‘who hasn’t?’ She’s been ran through more times than a train tunnel and chances are with her lack of memory she probably also forgot to use a condom, take birth control or let you in on her STD secret!

10.   The Ex girl friend, chances are she freaked out on your friend at some point and you had to pick your buddies side. Repeating your past isn’t a great idea neither is repeating your friend’s past mistake. If she’s a well known ex to your friend, the past will end up coming right back up. When the things she used to do to your friend or the comparison of your performance to your friend’s comes up. You know you want her to say you’re better than your friend but what happens when she pauses to think about it… “well……………ummmmmmmmmm” Immediately you’re now insecure about your own ability and jealous of your friend.  
11. The athlete girl, she's faster than you, bigger than you and could easily take your legs out with one hit to the knee cap. She's a body builder, that works out and goes big or goes home! Put your tail between your legs and run from her, do not make eye contact, any indication of fear will make her  attack.

Obviously all girls are crazy slightly it’s in our DNA. I am slightly crazy. I have girl tendencies as well, but when those girl traits become over whelming it’s time to set the girl free and move on. So, I'll leave crazies off the top ten because you all know that girl. She’ll keep calling, she’ll keep texting and she probably won’t take the hint that it’s over until you have to be a jerk. True crazy girls will show their true colors almost immediately.
Stupid girls also should be avoided but not everyone can be a genius. 
If you eep an eye out for the top ten you should survive dating and if the radar goes off, well you better run!

1 comment:

  1. Shew! I'm glad I didn't fit into any of those categories as a single girl!