Shhhhhhhhhhhh! It's a secret. I promise I won't blog about it! Mr Military!

So that thing that I promised NEVER to blog about, well here it goes.

This borderlines the how far is too far to go? What actually becomes to intimate to share with others?  Obviously not this……

At first when I promised I wouldn’t ever blog about it, I followed it with “As long as you never hurt me, or do anything weird you have nothing to do worry about.” Well FAIL, Mr. Military you hurt me so now it’s too funny NOT to blog about.

 I had been dating Mr. Military for a few months and things were going well, regular daily/nightly sex, hanging out with friends, quality time with each other, he held my hand in public, a genuine awesome guy. (Apparently I’m an idiot)

Then suddenly, we stopped having sex.  I would try and be shot down. He was tired. He had a headache. Excuses, excuses, excuses! Like an old couple we went to bed and went to sleep. That was it. I enjoy sex and I did enjoy it with him so when that was taking away from me I wasn’t extremely thrilled.

Finally, I was frustrated, and I said* “I feel like a guy. I always want to have sex with you and you’re always turning me down. We’re too early in the relationship to be “too tired” or “have headaches” all the time.”

He was obviously not very pleased with the fact that I had talked to my friends about how we didn’t have sex anymore. What can I say? Girls talk and I didn’t understand and wanted advice.  What could have turned so cold so fast? And he looked at me and said

 “You tell your friends about our sex life?” Hello duh! I’m a girl. Of course I talk to them about it and in this case the lack there of it. All my friends know when I’m in a relationship it must happen daily. It’s the way I am. Relationships are more than sex, I completely understand that. But I only have sex when I’m in a relationship so it’s necessary!

*“Yes, but that’s so not the point. The point is you never want to have sex anymore. What is it?”

“If I tell you something………”

Longest moment of silence in history, I just sat there with this concerned yet evil glare on my face, hoping for the best and yet expecting the worst.

“Do you promise not to blog about it? Because if you are going too then I’m not going to tell you.”

LOL –FOR REAL!

*“Well as long as you never hurt me or do anything weird I wouldn’t blog about something that you didn’t want me too. Besides I never use names…. I’m kidding.” <truth

“Well about a week ago, I went to the medic because I’m having a problem. And I didn’t want to tell you about it until I was sure.”

*“Sure of what? What kind of problem?” Now immediately I thought he was having the getting it up problem. I had a relationship like that before as well so I could understand that with the stress and importance of his job. I could help him through that.

“That’s the part I hate telling you. I have this…. This… well…. rash, the medic said it’s a heat rash.”

*“ON YOUR PENIS?”

“Yes…………”
“But it should go away. I thought maybe it was something else. I was so freaked out I was scared that maybe…”

*“What that maybe you had caught something from me? You think I’m diseased? You think I’m dirty well that’s fantastic. Thanks I really appreciate it. I was tested after the rape, you knew that and you have been the only one I’ve been with since but thanks for thinking I’m fucking around or lying to you.”

“No, I thought that sometimes it takes a while for symptoms to show and if I had something and would have to tell you that I had it I was going to feel horrible. So, I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure.”

*Angry Me “Well now you knew and I had to bring it up. You seriously thought it was my fault. If you gave me a STD I would be fucking pissed.”

“No the doctor said I should just use some powder. But I don’t have any. He gave me cream to use but it’s not helping. I’m embarrassed to go get the powder myself.”

“If it’s a heat rash you need gold bond or something. You don’t cure a heat rash with ointment. Are you sure that’s what you have?”

“Well that’s what he said.” He conveniently pulls the SUV in to a pharmacy parking lot. “Will you go in and get it for me?”

So into the pharmacy I march, searching isle after isle. All I find at first is a powder called “Anti Monkey Butt” and baby powder. Thinking like a man I thought that I wouldn’t want my penis smelling baby fresh. But who wants to use something called “anti monkey butt.” So I walked over the counter asked for the gold bond powder. Pointed in the right direction I grabbed it and two bottles of water, paid the man with my money and headed out back to the SUV.

I get the back in the SUV hand over not only a normal size bottle of Gold Bond but a travel size as well. Yes, I thought a head I’m an awesome girlfriend!!! <truth

Two days later:

“So the powder isn’t working”

*“WHAT?” I know it has to be something more.

“The rash is still there… and… it has… a smell. It itches all the time and has some off white discharge that smells funny.”

*“Does it bun?”

“No it just itches.”

*“And it smells like what?”

“I don’t know it just smells the powder and cream only make it worse.”

Think think think…. What could it possibly be.

*“You have a skin yeast infection.”

“No way.”

“No really you do. My grandma gets them and the infants I’ve been around get them from time to time. You need a cream especially for that or it won’t heal.”

Back to the pharmacy. I march in get yeast infection pills and a tube of Monistat cream and give to him.  (Yes that's a picture of a skin yeast infection but not his)

The rash is so bad that the Monistat isn’t doing anything except eliminating the itch momentarily but he refuses to go to the doctor, refuses to get it fixed or helped or cured!

Mr. Military was afraid of the doctor! Even with his horrible rash on his penis he would do nothing about it. I couldn’t understand it, but through it all I stayed faithful. I was in this relationship for good and bad.  Then……..

When he decided to break up with me through a facebook message, I got tested for STD’s. Whatever Mr. Military had, I didn’t catch. I hope both he and his penis at rash free and happy.