Relationships are when the games stop correct? I admit I struggle with the idea that I’m possibly paranoid or not capable of being loved. In either case the relationship do’s and don’ts are not exactly what I expected them to be. I don’t want to come off needy but then am I coming across as uncaring? Giving too much or too little? What’s he thinking, should I ask should I not? Why am I bothered by it so much?
If something were wrong I truly believe that he would tell me. I don’t see him as dishonest or a person to drag someone along. He’s a great guy. We don’t fight or argue and I genuinely care about him. Maybe that’s why I’m so paranoid about all the, what ifs and whys, that are going on inside me. Is it normal for me to be so scared to lose something this early in the game?
I will be honest I have a poor choice in men. And when we first started dating he was persistent, made me laugh and won me over. He’s a good guy and probably the first “good guy” I’ve ever dated for an extended period of time. Not to mention the fact that I think he’s very handsome. But making me laugh was probably the best feeling in the world, he’s well rounded and seems completely normal. (You’ll understand if you’ve read my blogs) At times I wonder why he would even like me? People think once you’re in a relationship that’s the easy part, but for me it’s always been the hardest part.
I don’t know how to be treated well, it scares me. But it’s definitely a good feeling, which leaves me wondering what’s going to happen and when is it going to end and how will I eventually fuck it all up. For now I’m holding my head above water, hoping everything goes smoothly and remains on the up side. And if my next blog says otherwise let me just say now how truly lucky I was/am to have spent any amount of time with him at all, he’s wonderful, funny, handsome and makes me happy. I wouldn’t change that.
Side note: I have no strange nick names for him, how normal is that :)
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