The boy is MINE!!!!! And so is everything else for that matter...

The concept of sharing anything baffles me…   Even when I was a child and someone wanted to “share” my things I had no desire to give them up. Even if I knew they would eventually be returned back to my pile of toys I had been hoarding, I refused.

 My Mom tried to explain to me that just because you share something doesn’t mean it belongs to anyone else it means you’re kind and allowed them to use something that belongs to you. But if it belongs to me why do I need to share it? Why would something I own need anyone else to play with it? It was mine… I felt completely against sharing, the idea was crazy and I never truly grasped the concept of it. What’s mine is mine. And as I've gotten older I would like to say that I have become less selfish in life.... BUT.....

Still to this day I do not share.  My blankets on my bed have turned my bed into a war zone at times. The TV remote and the power of control has encouraged and enforced bloodshed among others.  Let’s not even discuss drinking all my Jack Daniels because it isn’t a pretty sight… With this non-sharing state of mind I cannot graps the idea of how people in relationships can “share” each other. I can't imagine... sharing anything makes me angry, let alone someone I'm "with"...

Don’t get me wrong I do not judge anyone for this. I have many friends both married and in long term relationships where this process actually works for them. And if it ain't broke don't fix it. I'm glad people have found ways to be happy together and enjoy things/people together however I just can't. I’m so selfish with what’s mine that the idea for me would be impossible. I couldn’t help but always wonder “Am I not enough?” My own self worth would come into question which would then piss me off. Am I too insecure for today’s evolving relationships?

Let’s face it many, many and might I add MANY men would jump on the idea of having another woman shared or in the bed occasionally, especially if given permission by their girlfriend or wife. But I wouldn’t be able to offer that. I could NOT ever be comfortable with that. I wouldn’t be able to think that was ok because I would wonder why he would need anyone other than me.  What was I lacking or not giving him that he would need another woman for?  

Then with a flip of a switch I would wonder why he would want to share me? If I’m so bothered by his willingness to be shared, how in the hell is he ok with allowing me to be shared? Why if he loved me so much would he want to allow anyone else to have me, to touch me or to be with me? Does he not really love me if he’s willing to share me and allow me to be involved with another person or is he just more secure than I am?

If I'm  just old fashioned and closed minded tell me...andI will accept that. There are a lot of things I will do (and have done) and a lot of things I will try (and have tried) but when it comes to being with someone… I just want them and I would hope that they just want me.  Nothing more nothing less. I want it all or nothing at all.

My final thoughts on sharing came from The Toddler creed. I believe it to this day… especially when it comes to people!

“If I want it,
IT'S MINE!
If I give it to you and change my mind later,
IT'S MINE!
If I can take it away from you,
IT'S MINE!
If it's mine it will never belong to anybody else,
No matter what!"