If you're playing the game, stick to the rules!

Apparently people do not understand the rules and process of talking, dating, relationship, fiancé and marriage. I didn’t think it was that hard. But people do tend to dwell in the gray areas so let me make each situation clear for everyone. I have discussed this with many people and it is now a fact.  (Though as a friend of mine pointed out sex can happen in any of these stages it doesn’t mean you’re higher up on the ‘relationship’ chain. Because as we all know sex does not lead to anything more promised to us than that night/day of sex).

Talking- This occurs in the very beginning, when you first meet someone or feel a spark or attraction toward them. This starts with when you realize who you could be interested in may have a common interest in you and the two of you start texting or meeting for coffee something casual. You chat and get to know each other, better likes dislikes things you have in common and things you don’t. This is where you consider whether or not to actually date this person. During talking no one is bound to anyone. You can be “talking” to as many people as you want. No strings are attached with “talking”. There are no ties and you can completely stop “talking” to someone once you realize it is not going anywhere or you’re just not into them. However, if “talking” goes well you move on to the next step.

Dating-  Is the step that comes after you’ve “talked” for a bit and decide on going out in public together for longer periods of time. Dating is similar to talking but on a more comfortable level. You’ve surpassed drinks, uncomfortable conversations  and  are now going to dinner or movies  and seeing each other usually happens more often, yet do not be confused dating is NOT exclusive. It does not mean you belong to anyone! While dating you can in fact be dating other people. Dating is just a step in the game of love. Dating is not a permanent mark on the map it’s limbo. You’re not together but you’re not, not together.  This does not mean you can show up unannounced at their house or place of entertainment and expect them to be alone. Dating is tough but you must abide by the rules.  Because if someone else comes along while you’re dating one person you can easily stop dating them and move onto the new person or date them as well. The rules of dating are pretty much anything goes. All’s fair, except for obsessive stalker behavior from one party when other is not nearly as into or willing.

Relationship- This is where people get confused. This must be discussed and agreed upon you can’t just decide you’re in a relationship with someone and that’s that. You must actually talk about it and you MUST agree on it. In a relationship it is exclusive and there should be no one else. You can’t date other people while in relationships (unless that is agreed upon in the discussion at the beginning of the relationship). Once in a relationship your toothbrush can remain at the person’s house. But this does not mean you live with the person. It is simply a nice gesture for when you spend the night you can have the before bed and in the morning brush!  And it allows you to randomly show up at their house. Because you should know that you’re welcome there and they aren’t with anyone else (sexually anyways).  *Though I would still call in advance unless I was suspicious of their behavior.

Honestly I don’t think I should have to explain this but here goes: when you live with someone that you are IN a relationship with this must also be talked about and agreed upon. You CANNOT just slowly move yourself in expected to go unnoticed and think it will be alright. You talk about it and when it’s agreed upon you move in.  A fiancé is someone who has actually proposed to you and you intend to get married. It’s not a boyfriend/girlfriend you’ve been with for a long time. It’s a person who intends on marrying you… I hope that’s clear. Husband/wife means you have a marriage license by law you are bound together until divorce. A ceremony of some sort in a church or court house or in a field with witnesses and proper documentation has occurred. I thought people understood that but I was wrong, if you need more clarification then please email me we have bigger issues than just this.

Now to clear up to everyone I know… when I say “hanging out” I mean just that. It does not mean we’re talking or dating or anything really. Hanging out just means you and I are going to the same place at the same time and we’re going to laugh and have a good time.  Just because we hang out does NOT mean we’re having sex or even kissing…  Just so we’re clear. Guys tend to use the term “hanging out” as a way to avoid being rejected for a date. But that’s hanging out in that gray area and I don’t like that. Let’s all be clear and know where we stand.

 “Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"