In order to maintain my sanity and stop mind fucking myself. I am sealing my vagina, it is now off limits. No more sex for me. (Keep checking in, I won't lie about it I will let you know when it happens, but for now I'm done.) I've had 'regretable sex' as my male friend put it and he's right. At first I tried to make myself believe that hey it was at least a good time but the more I think about it the worse I feel. And the more I think I should have been smarter than that.
I have always been the girl who said "No" turned down one night stands and avoided random sex, or 'friends with benefits'. I just never saw how that worked out for anyone involved. Years ago I had a one night stand and felt completely disgusted with myself afterwards, I immediately kicked the man with the santa claus boxers in September out of my house and refused to ever talk to him again. I swore I would NEVER do that again. That I would never let myself feel cheap and used. But here I am... with regrets. And this regret... my latest regret also had christmas boxers on? Hello a sign... hell yeah. I should have stopped at the christmas trees... but no I unwrapped my gift in March and now I'm on the naughty list again!
Have I learned from my mistake? Probably not but I'm a single girl in progress. I have never claimed to be perfect. But I do enjoy sex. So how will I keep my legs shut until I think its worth it? Hell if I know. But I've done it before I can do it again. Kegel's, will power and a whole lot of masturbation will get me through this. Because let's face it the men I find aren't worth it. And I know that. But even now when I pause to think of my next sentence the thought of "them" gets me weak in the knees. I have at least five in mind that are nothing but trouble, they drive me completely insane and yet I would completely fall head over heels for them if even given the slight hint that they were interested. I'm self destructive.
So here it is ladies, I'm giving it up. Cold turkey...
"No SEX til Brooklyn" (I know it's sleep but it's funny in my head)
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