Just me and the Jack-ass on the Jerk off Date...

When I first started dating again I dated pretty much anyone who was willing to take me out. I had a lot of bad dates. Which have all turned out to be hilarious stories. My favorite by far is with a man for legal reasons we will call Jack.
Now, having no idea where single men go, I had met Jack online. (Which I swore I would never do... but you have to start somewhere...) So when I finally agreed to go out on a date with Jack. We decided on a very traditional date. Dinner and a movie.
During dinner we had amazing conversation. Jack was a high school teacher and extremely good looking. We had similar ideas and laughed at the same humor. So around this time I NEVER allowed men to come back to my house, after all what sort of girl would they think I was but Jack seemed normal enough. And after a string of very 'not so normal' guys, Jack was a breath of  fresh air. Had a job, dressed well, and decent. Which we all know is NOT my type. Jack seemed dare I say it like the "nice guy".
So I decided to invite Jack back to my house to watch movies. After all it is much easier to get to know someone while watching DVDs than in a movie theater where you pay 13 dollars to see a movie and can't talk or pause it when you have to pee and you miss something. He agreed that would be a nice way to end the night.
Jack and I drove separately back to my house. At the time I had a very large very jealous German shepherd who did not like the company of men in "his" house so I walked in first and took Milo out through my kitchen to my backyard. Jack came into the house.  Very well mannered took his shoes off at the door and told me I could pick the movie because it was just nice to be spending time with me (awwwwwwwwww right?) So  while I'm picking a movie Jack decides to walk through my house and nearly immediately says to me...
"Rachael I think your dog is getting out?"
"Out what do you mean out"
"Digging out of the backyard..."
Well Milo had never tried to leave the back yard before so I jumped up took off running into my kitchen where Jack was standing facing out my back door. Once I got near the back door of my house jack turned around  and.......................


Jacked off all over my shirt. Yes. He had masturbated onto my shirt. The entire time he was standing there yanking on his penis and then blew his wad on my shirt. I stood there in complete shock. WTF? Seriously who does that... I said a few choice words to him while standing with my arms out in complete disgust looking down on my nasty semen stained shirt and he dared to kiss my forehead and say"We'll have to do this again..." and he left.
This is proof that I am fly paper for the mentally unstable. The jerk off jack ass.

Moral of my story? "Normal doesn't exist."