The dreaded "L" word!

A great guy friend of mine told me back in high school “Never have sex with a man before he tells you he loves you. If he says it during sex he doesn’t mean it and if he says it immediately after he doesn’t mean it.” So when do men mean it? When do you know a guy “loves” you?

Which baffles me that anyone would say “I love you” without meaning it.  Does that still stand true today?  Should you hold out for love (If that’s what you’re looking for) or just jump in and hope for the best later?  My friend gave it to me like this, “If he knows he can have you without that why would he get messed up in love and relationships with you? There has to be a reason to make him stay, respect you and then love you.”  So basically ladies why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

Maybe, I find the idea of saying it and not meaning it oddly fascinating because I hold onto the L word like it’s the only one I’ll ever have.  I refuse to say it first and even if the thought pops into my head I just leave it there, it’s my L word and I want to mean it when you hear it. If over used it loses its value anyways. You don’t just go throwing the L word around.

And don’t get me wrong, I understand there are many different meanings to the word love and you can love things and people differently. I love my bed. I love my friends most of the time. I love some of my family. I sometimes even love my evil cat. But I don’t just tell people I’m dating that I love them. It has to be real. It has to be something worth letting go of the big L word.

Which I will be honest, I haven’t found in a long time. I haven’t used that word in a relationship in years. I have felt it. I have thought it but I haven’t said it. I don’t want to pressure some guy into thinking he has to say it back to me. That he must love me. That’s ridiculous. I want it said because it was felt, they meant it and needed to say it. And I hope that you don’t expect me to say it back if I don’t believe it, feel it and truly think it. I have had quite a few guys tell me that they “love” me. And since I didn’t feel the same way my reply was “Awwwww thanks!” Harsh? Not  at all I thanked him for the kind words and even smiled, maybe I hugged him when I thanked them and maybe there were a few I didn’t . The point is I didn’t feel it so I didn’t give them false hope. I appreciate that someone can feel they love me but if I don’t love them back I’m not going to lie about it.

My rant? Men stop telling girls what they want to hear to get them into bed. Tell them straight up how it is. If they chose to keep messing around with you then that’s their own fault. But do not give false hope. Don’t string them along on your every word. Tell them and allow them to be stupid or allow them to walk away. I would rather you be honest. But I have a feeling not all girls feel that way. But you know what the truth hurts sometimes.

“Mean what you say and say what you mean.”