The loss of a Penis and the very HOT cowboy.

Now. I've never been a girl to say "save a horse ride a cowboy" or think a "tractor is sexy" because that just isn't my style. I prefer more of an edge, from a family tree with sporadic limbs and crazy vines. Not a redneck in boots, a tree that stands straight without branches. So, when Mr. Cowboy came my way I will say I immediately had my doubts. But a single girl must do what a single girl must do. I decided to talk with him, possibly give him a chance and get to know him a little bit. He was tall, brown hair and the most amazing blue eyes I had ever seen. He said things like "darlin'" and called me "doll" and came across as a complete gentlemen. I'd talk to him on the phone and his southern accent made me chuckle but at the same time was a little charming.
We talked about everything, he told me how he had, had his heart broken and hadn't been the same. That he loved his dog and trucks. Went to tractor pulls and rode horses... the all American cowboy. Boots hat tight jeans the works...
After a few weeks of texting and talking on the phone because I had refused to meet him since he one wasn't my type two I didn't know him and three he was sort of one of my back up plans (yeah yeah fucking get over it...) we started talking about sex. Imagine that me having a conversation with a man I've never met about sex. *He found me on myspace remember that old school shit*
Mr. Cowboy says "Darlin' I'd like to ask you a question and it's serious."
Go ahead I reply because we all know I have no shame...
"Doll, if you had to go for tha resta your life without havin' any kind of sex could you do it?"
Immediately red flag... What the fuck kind of man asks if a girl if she could go without having sex? I assume he's going to tell me that he has an over active sex drive  and wants to see if I can "handle" him. So I tell him nothing but the truth.
"Honestly, I don't think I could go the rest of my life never having sex. What would the point in being in a relationship be if you couldn't have sex. We might has well just be friends, have no sexual interest in each other or you could be my gay bff  and go shopping with me because otherwise we'd have sex..." he paused for a moment and I continued "I just happen to be a girl that likes sex... so honestly no I couldn't do it. I'm not saying I would cheat on someone I cared about to get it but I wouldn't want to live without it..." another long pause and this time I just wait wondering what the hell is going on in his mind....
"The reason I ask Darlin' is because I can't..."
You can't what I ask...
"I can't have sex" I immediately start laughing
"yes you can you've sent me pictures I know your penis works... it gets hard I have proof  unless of course you sent me someone else's penis in that case that's a shitty thing to do... is that what you did? Are you impotent????"
"No no no darlin' listen, I can... I just can't"
"What the fuck does that mean..."
"Well when I said I got my heart brokin' it was by my ex she cheated on me. And I tried to forgive her and take her back and work things out. I tried I really tried."
"What does this have to do with not being able to have sex are you emotional impotent?"
"My penis works just fine thank you very much it's just that I...... well........
I...........
I don't know how to say this........
Its.......
I just want you to know I really like you which is why I wanna tell you.........
.............
that
............
I have a problem see.....
"WHAT IS IT?"
"I don't want you thinkin any differently of me..."
"Just tell me... I won't..."
Mr. Cowboy sighed... "I have herpes...."
INSERT LONG DRAWN OUT PAUSE BY ME HERE....
"Wow...
really...
that... hmmmmmmmmm
It sucks to be you. I'm glad we're friends and can talk about this. Can I call you back?"
CLICK.
And that was the end of Mr. Cowboy and what could have been a very nice encounter with a very bad diseased penis.

Did he look herpefied? Not at all. Clean and handsome and charming... so ladies beware. Herpes are for life, that shit comes back with you!

5 to 8 more days  for my results. Fingers crossed

Definitely  questions to ask your next date:
1. Do you have herpes.
2. Can I check?