Feeling nostalgic surrounded by locked away memories flooding down the stairs…

So maybe I am a little weird but here I am nearing the thirty mark (tear) and I’m finally starting to throw away the things that used to be in my bedroom and ‘living room’ (yes I spoiled and had two rooms to myself) from high school. The Arctic Orange was the so called living room where my friends and I hung out the majority of our time. What else do teenagers do? Yes, the walls are orange (I was going through a strange phase) and there’s glitter on the ceiling. An old olive green seventy style rocking chair sits in the corner and a black futon along the wall because that’s when they were “in”. I have an entertainment center complete with VHS player and an awesome stereo that may or may not work with surround sound and a 27 inch old TV. I have trophies and awards, autographs and photos everywhere. This room was once my entire world.

It’s not that I’ve held on to these things nor do I go up and reminisce of my younger years, I’d actually like to forget most of them. Just out of sight out of mind. I’ve locked away that part of me and had really never planned on going through that mess. But the time has come; I have just put off the inevitable for too long. So, while I dig through old clothes (that I wish I could wear now), out dated shoes still in their boxes, CD cases holding nothing more than the back of the cover and bras that wouldn’t hold half of one of my boobs now, I stumble on to a memory and for a moment I’m stuck in the past.

A treasure of my past, a picture, a token to Chuck-E-Cheese, movie ticket stubs, a note, a vile of cherry oil, jewelry from old friends and loves lost, love notes, hate mail, a metal rose that will never die, poetry and bad poetry, written conversations and things that have been long forgotten come flooding back.  It takes me back to being 16 all over again.  Who my friends were and who I thought would always be, changed so drastically since those days. The things I enjoyed and wrote I now laugh at knowing that at one time I totally thought that was funny or cool. I was never the cool kid by any definition but I thought I was above that, I was “deep”. Oh, to be young and stupid.

And as I throw my journal/diaries into the trash pile I realize how easy life was then. Though I by no means loved my teenage years I was completely spoiled during them. I didn’t have to work and my biggest problem was who was going to the mall with me and whether or not I liked a boy.  I didn’t worry or stress about money. I had no bills or cares or problems at all really.   Would I go back and do it all over again? I’d love to say yes, that I would go back to being a teenager and try to change it. However, I think that I’m much better off being an adult now the way my life has turned out. I do have regrets I’d be lying if I said otherwise; however, who would I be today without them?

From the glitter ceiling, orange walls and pumpkin pie shoes my mother hated it was and is all a part of me, even if now I know better and it’s going into the trash. I’m letting go… Goodbye teenage Single girl. You survived!!!

Quote from me in my year book "Happiness lies on your shoulders, do not look for it in other people. Do what makes you happy."